I've never been skinny, except maybe for about five minutes in kindergarten or something. And I've pretty much always felt overweight, even when I was around the normal weight range for my height. I've done weight watchers in the past, the first time I was probably like 16. I've been thinner and heavier in cycles depending on the outside circumstances. It's just been something that I feel like I either have no control over or I just don't care enough about to change. The funny thing is, when I was pregnant I had no problem whatsoever eating healthy food, giving up the junk that I normally feel I can't live without. I could do it when there was a purpose, when it wasn't just about looking a certain way. I actually lost weight when I was pregnant.
Law school, not so much. Hours of studying on the couch and subsisting on take-out led to massive weight gain. A couple of weeks ago I found a picture of myself in Bolivia, it was from four years ago, just a month or two before Greg and I got engaged. I weighed about 60 lbs less than I do today. At the time I felt so fat. But now looking back I wish I could just be that weight again.
After I took the bar last summer, weight started to fly off. I guess just not being stressed helped me shed pounds without really trying. This spring I hit a plateau. I kept thinking the law school weight would just keep coming off since I wasn't there anymore, but the number on the scale was not going down anymore. I hemmed and hawed. I didn't want to spend money that I don't have on weight watchers or a gym membership. I don't want to go on a diet for a while just to gain all the weight back when I stop.
So I started researching to find a diet/nutrition plan that I could do for the rest of my life. I found this little 8 week diet plan on a website that sells workout dvds. The high protein, fewer carbs thing hadn't worked for me when I tried to crash diet before my wedding, but I decided to give it a try now that my life is not as stressful. I found that the diet really "worked". That is, I'm not hungry, I don't feel resentful and deprived, I'm getting good nutrition, and I lost 4 pounds in the first two weeks without even doing the workouts.
My initial plan was to do the workouts too, but with some of the health issues I've been having lately I'm not supposed to raise my blood pressure. I also didn't always eat as many veggies as you are supposed to and generally cheat on the weekend. Even when I cheat and have dessert though, I keep track of all the calories on fitday. The reason I'm trying to stay flexible with it is because I don't want to keep the diet perfectly for a while and then decide it's too hard. I want to genuinely change the way I'm eating so I can maintain a healthy weight forever.
So what do you think? Anyone want to join me?
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
No News Is...
So I did have the procedure done on Friday. I was totally fine when the pregnancy test was negative, it was what I was expecting. I did almost pass out when they were putting in the IV. I'm usually fine with anything medical, but the nurse was talking about my veins and blood. A lot. As she was poking around inside my wrist. I don't get upset when something hurts, but sometimes thinking about it too much makes me a little queasy. The first IV didn't work and the nurse must have seen my face because she got someone else to do the second one.
I went in to the surgery room, blind because I had to take my contacts out, laid down, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery. There was a young girl in the little curtained cubicle next to me, and she was crying. I don't know why she was there but I heard the nurses say her name. I told her it would be ok, that they would bring her mom back soon, and prayed for her. Lying there praying I wondered if this whole mess wasn't just an incredibly complicated way to get me next to her.
Eventually they let Greg in and he told me that they had found nothing.
No polyps, no fibroids, nothing strange at all.
They took a tissue sample to test and that was that. The doctor was already gone so I didn't get a chance to ask what the next step will be. I'm not even sure what they are testing for with the tissue sample. Hopefully I'll get some more answers when I talk to the Dr. on Thursday.
I'm nervous because I'm not sure how good my insurance will be come September, so I want to try and get everything figured out before then. On one hand, it's great that they didn't find anything that could mean life-long issues for me. On the other hand, now we have no idea what is causing these problems.
I went in to the surgery room, blind because I had to take my contacts out, laid down, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery. There was a young girl in the little curtained cubicle next to me, and she was crying. I don't know why she was there but I heard the nurses say her name. I told her it would be ok, that they would bring her mom back soon, and prayed for her. Lying there praying I wondered if this whole mess wasn't just an incredibly complicated way to get me next to her.
Eventually they let Greg in and he told me that they had found nothing.
No polyps, no fibroids, nothing strange at all.
They took a tissue sample to test and that was that. The doctor was already gone so I didn't get a chance to ask what the next step will be. I'm not even sure what they are testing for with the tissue sample. Hopefully I'll get some more answers when I talk to the Dr. on Thursday.
I'm nervous because I'm not sure how good my insurance will be come September, so I want to try and get everything figured out before then. On one hand, it's great that they didn't find anything that could mean life-long issues for me. On the other hand, now we have no idea what is causing these problems.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
He Knows What He's Doing
My surgery was supposed to happen last Friday, but has now been postponed until July 1st. The reason for the wait was the conversation that took place with my doctor earlier in the week. We went over the details, what I needed to do, when to get to the hospital, etc. At the end of the appointment, I asked one last question that had occurred to me just that morning. "There's no way I could be pregnant, right? Not when I've been bleeding all this time...." Wrong. And so we will wait another two weeks so that I can take a pregnancy test to make absolutely sure that the procedure won't interrupt anything. I was so frustrated when I walked out of his office. (I'm fairly certain I am not pregnant, but I just have to be sure.) How could I make it another almost three weeks? I was even more confused, because the day before the appointment I had prayed and really just cried out to God about this, and I really felt like He told me that I would be healed soon.
When I got home I spent some time with a friend of mine who had come over to watch Henry while I visited the doctor. (I am blessed to have this good friend who really loves and cares about my son, so I don't feel like I have to ignore him when she is over, she is content to do things that he likes to do.) As we watched Henry play I was reminded of how amazing it was that God used what I was seeing as random events to create such a perfect, marvelous boy. Not only is he beautifully designed, but he has brought so much joy to our entire family. Because of Henry, I'm not working at a job I hate, I'm excited to get up every morning and I'm smiling all day. I appreciate Greg in a whole new way, and in many ways our relationships with our parents are deeper and fuller because they are grandparents. If things had happened according to my plan, I would have missed out on what is now the best part of my life.
Taking a step back to look at what God has done in the past has helped me see that He is working all things for our good. Now if only I could use that knowledge to stop worrying about the future....
It has been 6 days since I spoke to the doctor, and I have had no symptoms at all. I don't know if God just chose to heal me or what. I am just trying to live one day at a time in faith and trust. In the meantime, I will take care of my son, and try to remember that He really does know what He's doing.
When I got home I spent some time with a friend of mine who had come over to watch Henry while I visited the doctor. (I am blessed to have this good friend who really loves and cares about my son, so I don't feel like I have to ignore him when she is over, she is content to do things that he likes to do.) As we watched Henry play I was reminded of how amazing it was that God used what I was seeing as random events to create such a perfect, marvelous boy. Not only is he beautifully designed, but he has brought so much joy to our entire family. Because of Henry, I'm not working at a job I hate, I'm excited to get up every morning and I'm smiling all day. I appreciate Greg in a whole new way, and in many ways our relationships with our parents are deeper and fuller because they are grandparents. If things had happened according to my plan, I would have missed out on what is now the best part of my life.
Taking a step back to look at what God has done in the past has helped me see that He is working all things for our good. Now if only I could use that knowledge to stop worrying about the future....
It has been 6 days since I spoke to the doctor, and I have had no symptoms at all. I don't know if God just chose to heal me or what. I am just trying to live one day at a time in faith and trust. In the meantime, I will take care of my son, and try to remember that He really does know what He's doing.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
And it continues...
I am not having the procedure tomorrow, they couldn't fit me in. I am just so sick of feeling this way. I am counting the days until next Friday. I just want to know what's wrong with me!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Another Update
Things are finally starting to get back to "normal" around here. Last week on Thursday we made an unexpected road trip down to Georgia because my husband's Grandpa got very sick. He actually passed away when we were about half way there. It was sad that we didn't get to see him one last time before he passed away, but good to be with the family. Henry cheered everyone up a little. He is the only great-grandchild, and it was nice I think to have a baby around.
Instead of a funeral we basically just had a big party with the family and afterward just sat around telling stories about Grandpa Byrd. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to take time away from his kids and grandkids, but I was thinking about the first time I met him. I came into his house and he was sitting at the kitchen table fiddling with tools and parts of what looked like a small engine. I sat down and asked him what he was doing, and he said that the mechanism that rolled up the car window was broken, and he was replacing it ... with the motor from a blender he found on the side of the road. Most of the stories were like that, about how he tried to fix everything himself, about how he invented and crafted and rigged.
It made me smile to think about how Henry is the same way, even at his age. When he comes across a toy it's always flipped over immediately and he is touching the screws, the places where it's joined together, trying to figure out how it works, and how to take it all apart. It looks like Henry inherited some of Grandpa Byrd's ingenuity.
In terms of my health issues, I talked to the Dr. as we were driving down to GA on Thurs. night. He had given me progesterone to stop my bleeding and it had worked for about a week before it started again. I went back up to two pills a day but it didn't help. He said that the next step would be to do a D & C, which scared me. I asked my father in law about it (also an OB) and he agreed that that would be the only thing to do if the pills don't work.
I will probably have it done this coming Friday, if they can fit me in. At this point my nervousness is superseded by my need to just be done with this. I feel so crappy right now and I feel like I spend all day drinking water and taking pills just to manage. I asked the Dr. what the causes could be and he basically listed everything from polyps to cancer, so I don't even know how worried I should be at this point, I'm kind of just trying not to think about it. All this has made me realize how much having a big family meant to me, and facing the possibility of that not happening is just too much for me to process, so I think I'm just pushing it aside for now until I know more.
On the brighter side, my mom-in-law is visiting this weekend with her fiance, and Greg and I hit up some of the garage sales in OG today. Flea market day is always great for garage sales, and we found some games for Henry that I had been considering buying new. Also Greg bought a pair of roller blades for 5 bucks that actually fit him! So much for looking professional around town! We've also made some headway with our business plans for next year, and some of the obstacles we were worried about have been removed! So all in all, life is good!
Instead of a funeral we basically just had a big party with the family and afterward just sat around telling stories about Grandpa Byrd. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to take time away from his kids and grandkids, but I was thinking about the first time I met him. I came into his house and he was sitting at the kitchen table fiddling with tools and parts of what looked like a small engine. I sat down and asked him what he was doing, and he said that the mechanism that rolled up the car window was broken, and he was replacing it ... with the motor from a blender he found on the side of the road. Most of the stories were like that, about how he tried to fix everything himself, about how he invented and crafted and rigged.
It made me smile to think about how Henry is the same way, even at his age. When he comes across a toy it's always flipped over immediately and he is touching the screws, the places where it's joined together, trying to figure out how it works, and how to take it all apart. It looks like Henry inherited some of Grandpa Byrd's ingenuity.
In terms of my health issues, I talked to the Dr. as we were driving down to GA on Thurs. night. He had given me progesterone to stop my bleeding and it had worked for about a week before it started again. I went back up to two pills a day but it didn't help. He said that the next step would be to do a D & C, which scared me. I asked my father in law about it (also an OB) and he agreed that that would be the only thing to do if the pills don't work.
I will probably have it done this coming Friday, if they can fit me in. At this point my nervousness is superseded by my need to just be done with this. I feel so crappy right now and I feel like I spend all day drinking water and taking pills just to manage. I asked the Dr. what the causes could be and he basically listed everything from polyps to cancer, so I don't even know how worried I should be at this point, I'm kind of just trying not to think about it. All this has made me realize how much having a big family meant to me, and facing the possibility of that not happening is just too much for me to process, so I think I'm just pushing it aside for now until I know more.
On the brighter side, my mom-in-law is visiting this weekend with her fiance, and Greg and I hit up some of the garage sales in OG today. Flea market day is always great for garage sales, and we found some games for Henry that I had been considering buying new. Also Greg bought a pair of roller blades for 5 bucks that actually fit him! So much for looking professional around town! We've also made some headway with our business plans for next year, and some of the obstacles we were worried about have been removed! So all in all, life is good!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Blood Test Update
Just wanted to say that I think it's good news, though I still don't know much. The first blood test revealed slight anemia, and high prolactin, a hormone that would be high if I were pregnant, breastfeeding, or had a thyroid or kidney problem. Since I am not pregnant or breastfeeding, this was troubling to the Dr. and he had me repeat the test. The second time my prolactin was in the normal range. The first level was probably off due to stress at the time they took the blood, (probably because Henry was throwing a fit on the floor of the room where they were drawing my blood, he was not happy about a strange lady poking mommy with needles :). I was still iron deficient, so I am trying to remember to take my iron pill. He also gave me a hormone pill to stop my bleeding, when has been working great. I'm supposed to take it for three weeks and then hopefully when I stop I will be back to normal. That's the hope anyway. If I get a normal period he will order another blood test to check the hormone levels again. I'm sort of glad that there is so much going on right now, I don't really have time to worry about making babies!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
An empty place...
When are you going to have another one?
I get asked this quite a bit and I guess it makes sense. Henry is almost 18 months, a lot of people like to space their kids about two years apart. I'm home right now anyway, and it would make sense to get through the worst of the pregnancy blahs before I start working more hours.
So what do I say in response? I usually laugh and say something like, "Oh, one is more than I can handle right now." Or if it's someone close who wants to know I just say maybe. Or it's up to God.
The truth is . . . I'm not sure it's going to happen. I'm waiting on blood tests from my OB to find out why it's been 16 months of no birth control, no nursing, and no babies. Why I go for three months with nothing, and then get hit with 6 weeks of bleeding.
This never happened to me before. I was always right on schedule, almost to the hour. To get pregnant with Henry it only took one time. One time. Like I didn't even have to guess when calculating the due date. Right now I just physically feel like crap and I really have no idea why. I don't even want to think about what I might read in the parade of horribles if I try googling it.
And I don't really want to complain about it to anyone, because, well, I have a baby. And a baby that I got without really trying. I almost feel like being sad about my fertility troubles is just such an ungrateful attitude to have.
I have one beautiful son who fills every day of my life with ever increasing joy and wonder. So why do I feel like something's missing? I'm not desperate, I'm not up crying about it. I don't think that my life will never be complete without another child or anything like that. But when I see big families, when I see siblings together, even when I'm with my own sister, I just feel a little pull.
As busy as I am, as much as I sometimes get tired taking care of just one, as tiny as my house is, and as full as my heart is with love for my family, when I look at my life I can't help feeling like there is an empty space. Like there is room for one more...
I get asked this quite a bit and I guess it makes sense. Henry is almost 18 months, a lot of people like to space their kids about two years apart. I'm home right now anyway, and it would make sense to get through the worst of the pregnancy blahs before I start working more hours.
So what do I say in response? I usually laugh and say something like, "Oh, one is more than I can handle right now." Or if it's someone close who wants to know I just say maybe. Or it's up to God.
The truth is . . . I'm not sure it's going to happen. I'm waiting on blood tests from my OB to find out why it's been 16 months of no birth control, no nursing, and no babies. Why I go for three months with nothing, and then get hit with 6 weeks of bleeding.
This never happened to me before. I was always right on schedule, almost to the hour. To get pregnant with Henry it only took one time. One time. Like I didn't even have to guess when calculating the due date. Right now I just physically feel like crap and I really have no idea why. I don't even want to think about what I might read in the parade of horribles if I try googling it.
And I don't really want to complain about it to anyone, because, well, I have a baby. And a baby that I got without really trying. I almost feel like being sad about my fertility troubles is just such an ungrateful attitude to have.
I have one beautiful son who fills every day of my life with ever increasing joy and wonder. So why do I feel like something's missing? I'm not desperate, I'm not up crying about it. I don't think that my life will never be complete without another child or anything like that. But when I see big families, when I see siblings together, even when I'm with my own sister, I just feel a little pull.
As busy as I am, as much as I sometimes get tired taking care of just one, as tiny as my house is, and as full as my heart is with love for my family, when I look at my life I can't help feeling like there is an empty space. Like there is room for one more...
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