Feeling Some Yuppy Envy

We had lunch with some friends from church last week. We met some new people, mostly couples with kids Henry's age, and generally had a really fun time getting out of the house and socializing. I felt like I could be myself, not because everyone in the party was just like me, but because I'm at a point in my life where I just don't care about blending in, maybe I never really have. It's more important to me now to be honest, to be vulnerable, to put it out there and make real connections with people instead of just propagating more small talk.

Yet while the differences in our personalities didn't bother me, I have to say that as a parent, there were other differences that left me thinking. I was younger and poorer than everyone else there, probably a lot poorer. But our kids will go to college at the same time. I don't usually feel envious of people's stuff or money, but in this case the experience left me wondering. Will Henry have the same opportunities that these older, more established people's kids will? Can I afford to give my kids violin lessons and take them to museums in the city and send them to whatever school is best?

This month as I've packed up my wedding china. I packed up my Chaucer and my Shakespeare. I packed up everything in our house that we don't absolutely need in the next four months. In some ways, I know that this experiment in voluntary frugality will be a good thing for us. I'm hoping at the end to look at some of the treasures I put away and say, "You know what, we really don't need this." But it is also hard. It's hard because part of me feels like we will never go back to a life of grace and ease, of eating out when we wanted, of buying books and music and beautiful things, of traveling and not worrying all the time about the costs of things. Maybe that time is long gone, or maybe it never really was.

There are so many problems I would love to have right now. Pets and interior decorating and deciding whether or not to use the traditional or modern themes when choosing an anniversary gift. All I realistically want right now is to afford our health insurance for another 200 days so that a good doctor can deliver our baby. Maybe this is in and of itself a decadent third world problem. I don't know.

All I know is that I'm thinking more often about neat white fences and backyard pools, about operas and paint chips, book clubs and buying sandwiches that someone else has made. But also I'm wondering, what are the millionaires fantasizing about?

Co-habitating

It's been a bit slow on this blog lately, but my life has been ridiculously busy this past month. Why, you ask? Shouldn't I just be playing with Henry and gestating baby number 2? What else have I been up to?

Um, packing. We are moving in with my sister, her husband, and her one year old in November. The move will hopefully be short term, as we were planning on moving into my childhood home in March at the latest anyway. That house is being renovated from a labyrinthine and decaying boarding house into three separate apartments with brand new everything. But in the meantime, our family and my sister's will downsize into her three bedroom apartment.

There are several reasons why we made the decision to co-habitate, the financial benefit of sharing rent is really just the tip of the ice berg. The other big reason is that I will be 8 months pregnant when we have to move to the big house, and the idea of going through that again (last time we moved I was also 8 months pregnant) just makes me want to cry. So the plan is to do the hardest part of moving (packing up all of our useless stuff) now, and just keep out the clothes we'll need for the next four months. Oh yeah, and the truckload of stuff that Henry uses every day. That way, when March rolls around, we can move all of our neatly labeled boxes from the storage unit to the new house and unpack at our leisure.

We're also getting rid of nearly all of our furniture, and plan on getting smaller stuff when we move to the big house so that we'll have enough space there. My sister is doing something similar, packing up things she won't use until after the final move, so that there will be more space in the apartment for us. Basically, we are downsizing as best we can to make room for the new baby and all of Henry's gear.

As far as the interpersonal side goes, I think we'll be ok. Our families spend most of our time together anyway, and I actually think this move will be a good precursor to moving into the same house but in separate apartments. I think we'll feel like having our own apartments in the same house will be a move toward more privacy and independence, instead of the other way around. But we'll see! Greg and I are sort of independent people so it might be hard. That and the kids... oh the kids. They are doing better but we still have to watch them when they are together because things can get rough :) I'm hoping that sharing space will actually help them get along more consistently.

So... that's the plan. We'll soon be joining the ranks of the co-habitators. Wish us luck!

Feeling Blah

I'm not feeling as nauseous as I did at this point during Henry's pregnancy, but I'm definitely feeling the fatigue. I'm also way hungrier this time around. Maybe this baby will be chunkier than my string bean boy?

I was devastated to find out that my OB just stopped taking OB patients, the insurance was just too high for him. I really loved this doctor and I'm sad he won't be delivering Henry's little brother or sister, but what can you do? That's health care for you. Because there are still areas around here that have no power from hurricane Irene, it took me until today to speak with the office of the new Dr. I'm going to try. I'm seeing him next week to get checked out and hopefully pin down the due date.

Here's a fun little survey I'm hoping to use to keep a record of this pregnancy:

How far along? 8 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Somewhere between zero and five lbs. depending on the time of day.
Maternity clothes? Maybe not maternity clothes but definitely not the skinny jeans. I'm wearing sweatpants until I'm big enough for my old maternity clothes because last time shopping for them was such a pain!
Sleep: Tired all the time..and usually not sleeping well at night
Best moment this week: Making the doctor's appointment and loving the staff.
Movement: No way!
Food cravings: Ice cold lemonade, piping hot chicken noodle soup.
Gender: Probably would prefer a boy, but thinking girl.
Labor Signs: Nope
Belly Button in or out? In. Mine never popped last time, but maybe this time it will have been loosened up.
What I miss: Being able to suck in my stomach.
What I am looking forward to: Seeing that little fluttering bean on the ultrasound screen.
Weekly Wisdom: When you're tired and nauseous, a little Yo Gabba Gabba and a blueberry muffin go a long way toward achieving peace.
Milestones: Told Henry there's a baby in my tummy. He didn't really react, probably doesn't believe it, lol.

Will We Still Foster?

I mentioned before that Greg and I started the training process to become foster parents. We had our first meeting two nights ago and found out more about how the training will work. We also got a chance to ask some questions.

The trickiest part for me was finding out what I needed to know without mentioning the fact that we will most likely have another baby by April. We will definitely tell the workers eventually, but I just didn't think it was the right time, since we just barely know ourselves!

Do I think we can afford this new baby and a foster child? Definitely. The cost is not the issue.

Do I think we can fit another child into our tiny two-bedroom cottage? Not really, but when it comes down to it, if we get licensed for two kids in Henry's room and a crib in our room then we will make it work.

Do I think I can handle a toddler, a new baby and a foster child? Well, no. And yes. With God all things are possible right?

The real questions that keep coming to me are these: How can I, knowing what I know about the system and the children in need, turn my back on them? What if it were Henry, taken from his home and given to strangers to raise? What if he were given to people who didn't read to him every day, who didn't pray with him, who didn't spend all the time and effort that I do trying to get him to eat something every day? What if he were given to people who just didn't love him, people who take in kids for the monthly stipend?

Thinking about my son this way is horrifying, soul-crushing, heartbreaking. It hurts. It hurts to even think it. But this is what is happening to someone else's baby. This is what is happening to God's children.

So the short answer is... yes. We will still foster. If we have to cram a crib into our little bedroom, if we have to get bunk beds, if we have to stop eating out and get all of our books from the library and wear the clothes we bought five years ago, as long as it's God's will, we will find a way to do it.

Weightloss Postponed

You may have noticed that I did not post last week's weigh in. I was feeling kind of under the weather and even though I stuck to my calories I didn't lose anything. I just felt tired, kind of bloated, not really myself. I was wracking my brain as to why I didn't lose even though I felt like I did everything right.

Suddenly it dawned on me.



Yes, about a year after I thought I was ready for #2, he/she is finally on the way!

My original goal when I started dieting was to fix my fertility problems, and it looks like that goal has been reached. I am not saying that I am going to just completely go back to the way I was eating before, but I don't know that I'm going to keep dieting now. I am still excited to reach all of the goals I had, but some will have to be postponed until the baby arrives. Until then I will eat as healthily as I can while providing enough nutrition for this little one.

During my last pregnancy I actually lost about 15 lbs. during the first trimester due to morning sickness and food aversions, and then gained about 25 the rest of the pregnancy, then lost it all and then some in the hospital. Honestly I would rather gain some weight than go through that again! I haven't gotten sick yet, it shouldn't kick in for another couple of weeks.

So anyway, my weight loss journey is sort of on hold, but only temporarily. I will probably post more about my feelings about getting pregnant, once it's sunk in more :)

Seven Week Weigh In

Made it to 15 lbs just in time! I really needed a pedicure to make up for my dwindling wardrobe. I had to go to a social function with Greg's boss (a NJ Supreme Court justice) and another former and a current NJ Supreme Court justice, and had absolutely nothing to wear (or so I thought).

So the day before I went to the mall and tried on 500 things. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't totally frustrated in the dressing room. Most of the clothes I tried on looked pretty good actually, and a couple of times I even had to get a smaller size than the one I originally selected.

But I didn't buy anything....

Why?

Because I didn't want to invest in this size. I'm not yet the way I want to be, so why spend the money on clothes I'm hoping won't fit in another month?

I went home empty-handed with a shiny new pedicure, and wore a dress I had in the back of my closet. There will be plenty of time for shopping when I'm done...

I am so excited right now because 15 lbs. was my goal for the summer, and I still have two weeks to go. My next challenge will be to lose another 25 before New Year's. At this rate, I should be able to reach that goal. Since 25 lbs. is a long ways to go without a little incentive, I have some fun mini-goals to reach in the meantime.

1) Lose 10% of my original body weight - When I reach this goal I will get a cool new haircut and also try on my wedding ring, which has been sitting in a jewelry box since I got pregnant. I was actually heavier than I am now the last time I wore it, but I guess pregnancy does weird things to your... fingers?

2) Lose 30 lbs. - subscribe to a weight loss magazine. This may seem silly to some of you, but I love magazines and don't usually buy them (in fact, all my reading material is from the library these frugal days) so they are a major luxury item for me. I'm thinking SHAPE. I used to buy it occasionally back in my fitter college days and it always inspired me, and I feel that the monthly reminder will help me stay motivated.

Right now I'm not setting any fitness goals because I'm still not sure how I'm going to approach it. My overall goal with this journey is not to just diet or exercise to lose some weight, but to change my habits to the point where it just becomes a part of my life to eat healthy and be fit. I can't say that the healthy eating is habitual quite yet, and so I'm reluctant to add too much in the way of exercise at this point. On the other hand, I know I would see much better results if I started a workout routine, and I genuinely miss my abs of steel (the video, I'm not sure I ever actually had the abs). One compromise might be to just add a little bit of strength training 3 times a week, and then try to make my long walks with Henry more of a routine and maybe track the miles or time. Hmmm, something to think about.

Six Week Weigh In

Down 12 lbs.

I was afraid I wouldn't lose anything this week because my husband has the week off and we've been eating out a lot, and hanging out with friends which makes dieting a lot harder for me.

I guess the key to eating out for me has been avoiding red meat, potatoes, and salad dressing. I try to order something that avoids those categories but sounds really good so that I don't feel deprived or left out, and then eat a smaller portion. Last night I ordered a gourmet pizza and ate two small slices; the other day at Panera I ate half of the small BBQ chicken salad. I also try to reduce calories the rest of the day if I know we are going out.

Some "superfoods" (very healthy foods I turn to to make up for eating some not so healthy foods).

1) Tuna fish - tons of protein, hardly any fat, no carbs. I make a can with 1 tbs. of low-fat mayo, a little relish, and then eat it with...
2) Wasa crispbread - 45 calories each, giant delicious crackers that put some crunch into every bite.
3) Low-fat mozzerella string cheese - about 5 grams of fat, but so filling that they can get you through until the next meal, and low carb.
4) Grilled chicken marinated in light dressing - so filling and delicious.
5) Jello - no lie, this has no nutritional value whatsoever, but if you have a sweet tooth the little bit of aspartame in the sugar-free cups of jello can take the edge off when really dessert is not an option. Fruit is better, but not always readily available.
6) Along the same lines, Chocolate cocoa mix prepared with water or skim milk. This satisfies my chocolate cravings without the fat and calories of real chocolate. With skim milk I get a way to extinguish the fires of heartburn.
7) Fresh lemons - squeezed into my diet coke, floating in my ice water, spritzed on my grilled chicken, something about having a bowl of fresh lemons is a cheap way to make you feel indulged. Feeling indulged is the opposite of feeling deprived, and deprivation is the diet killer.

What foods do you turn to when you need to make up for too much social eating?