Luke 2

2 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

² (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
³ And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
⁴ And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
⁵ To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
⁶ And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
⁷ And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
⁸ And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
⁹ And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
¹⁰ And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
¹¹ For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
¹² And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
¹³ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
¹⁴ Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
¹⁵ And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
¹⁶ And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
¹⁷ And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
¹⁸ And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
¹⁹ But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
²⁰ And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
²¹ And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called Jesus, which was so named of the angel before he was conceived in the womb.
²² And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord;
²³ (As it is written in the law of the Lord, Every male that openeth the womb shall be called holy to the Lord;)
²⁴ And to offer a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, A pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons.
²⁵ And, behold, there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon; and the same man was just and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel: and the Holy Ghost was upon him.
²⁶ And it was revealed unto him by the Holy Ghost, that he should not see death, before he had seen the Lord's Christ.
²⁷ And he came by the Spirit into the temple: and when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him after the custom of the law,
²⁸ Then took he him up in his arms, and blessed God, and said,
²⁹ Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word:
³⁰ For mine eyes have seen thy salvation,
³¹ Which thou hast prepared before the face of all people;
³² A light to lighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel.
³³ And Joseph and his mother marvelled at those things which were spoken of him.
³⁴ And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary his mother, Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against;
³⁵ (Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also,) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.
³⁶ And there was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Aser: she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity;
³⁷ And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.
³⁸ And she coming in that instant gave thanks likewise unto the Lord, and spake of him to all them that looked for redemption in Jerusalem.
³⁹ And when they had performed all things according to the law of the Lord, they returned into Galilee, to their own city Nazareth.
⁴⁰ And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom: and the grace of God was upon him.

Organized.

This has been the mantra ruling my every free second since sometime last year. Getting the clothes organized, the closets organized, the finances organized. Organizing the grocery list, the library books, the social calendar, the traveling details. Saving receipts, clipping coupons, sending out bills.

Always in front of me there is this vision of my life completely organized. I sit at my cleared off kitchen table, drinking home-brewed iced tea, wearing clothes that fit well on the body I got from working out every day while my kids take synchronized naps, while the healthy made-from-scratch dinner bakes in the oven. All the projects are done, every inch of the house painted, swept, disinfected, steam-cleaned, pressed. I type the correct number of words allotted for that day, moving forward in a perfectly straight line toward the ultimate goal of my completed book.

I never spend more than I have to, I never waste time with indecision, never turn back once I've gone down a road, because I always choose the right road the first time. My hair is cut and my nails are polished and I remember everything I'm supposed to do this weekend.

Then the vision fades, and I am appalled by this person living in my house, this flighty, unfocused person who wanders the apartment retrieving socks and scribbling lines of plot onto old envelopes. The person who changes main characters and voice mid-novel. The person who, after feeling nauseous and tired for a couple of days, begins to agonize over the dreaded possibility of an unlooked-for pregnancy, and then, in the same day prays sincerely but futilely for the second line to appear, because salvation lies in the second line. She goes to the store in desperate need and then wanders around trying to remember why she came.

This person is unrecognizable to me, because inside I am a little girl who went to fairs and guessed the number of marbles in the jar, and put my name in hats, and never worried that I wouldn't win - such a thought was inconceivable! I always won. I believed in my own worthiness the way I believed in the infallibility of my family, the way I am tempted now to view the perfection of my children.

I am, in short, so disorganized that I'm not sure now whether the Good Things are a result of some hidden wealth of potential, or that self-centered, entitled bravado, or, most likely, the gifts of a benevolent God who pities my naivety. It is said, God won't give you more than you can handle, and I must be weak indeed for the charmed life I've led.

At the end of the year now, as I make lists and check off boxes and count the cutlery, I am determined to put aside these things sometimes, to stop and think about something deeper, more mysterious than the perfection I crave.

My friend died recently, an old friend. She did not go to the gym; she didn't wear makeup. The wallpaper in her hallway was torn and only some of her children are doctors and professors, only some are married :) She had things in order. Before she got sick, I decided to let go of some of the clutter, ever pursuing that simplified life. I threw out close to 27 birthday cards from this friend. Year after year, she'd taken the time to send me a card. Sometimes she wrote out a verse in her neat little script, sometimes a five or ten dollar bill would fall from the card, neatly folded in two by her honest hands. She never flattered, but sincerely encouraged, using all she had she pushed grace and kindness outward and it rained down on everyone she knew.

I know when I think of my friend, that no amount of planning and working can make me into a woman like her. There is no time to wait until all the dishes are done to develop spiritually. I know I need to invite others into my home even if my ego won't be stroked by them complimenting it. I know I need to go to parties and showers and dinners even though I feel like hiding my disorganized self away in the dark. It is time, my friends, to get the priorities straight.

Sandy Claws

We are fine, first of all. We were evacuated from our home on Monday and drove through the beginnings of the storm to Pennsylvania where we've been until now. My sister's family and my parents went back Tuesday to assess the damage to the house. We had about 4-5 ft. of water in the basement. (The basement where Greg and I stored all our stuff :(  )

Luckily we had just unpacked a ton of boxes so the damage was not as bad as it could have been. The loss of our stuff is not so much about money, or the stuff itself, but sort of what it represented to me. Greg is almost happy, to him having too much is just a burden. But for me, a little stockpile is a security blanket; one that has been swiftly ripped away.

It turns out we have renter's insurance. We will easily reach the limit. I'm making a list of our belongings and what it would cost to replace them, but I know that if we get any money it will just go toward paying off debt. It's not the worst trade off really.

These days in the hotel have been odd. I can't sleep with worrying about our friends back in NJ, although it seems now that everyone is ok, at least physically. I want desperately to work at something, to clean, to fix, to prepare. But I also know that I can't bring my kids back to a house that's full of sewage. I want to pretend like we're just on vacation, that everything is fine; but I also feel guilty that we are clean, warm, and fed, when others are in such bad situations.

The plan is to go back tomorrow. We will see.

Still Alive

We are insanely busy. We get colds about every other week. We are becoming members of the church we've been attending for about three years. We are starting a new couples small group closer to where we live. We do preschool every morning, and have learned about Adam and Eve, Noah, and Joseph.

I have done about 100 house projects, Greg has done 100 more, and together we have 100 left. More or less. I have started to work from home more. I love making money :) I feel insecure about my house and my clothes sometimes, and confident most of the time. I am on a diet, but not too strict because I am still EBing Stella, with a little solid food for good measure. I am planning a birthday party for Henry, and sewing my kids Halloween costumes they will be embarrassed by later, and trying to find the time to have their pictures taken, and planning our trip away for Henry's real birthday, and making Christmas gifts, and planning our Thanksgiving road trip.

Greg is faithful, strong, honest, persevering, loving, gentle, kind, patient, and good. Greg is obsessed with his favorite board game and wants to play whenever I'm willing. Greg takes me shopping and entertains the kids while I walk around a store alone when I really need a break from life. Greg is the giver of baths, the reader of bed-time stories, and the sender of texts to our friends. Greg tries to believe the best of people. Greg eats peanut butter out of the jar.

Henry is sweet, and smart, and brave. Henry climbs over each pew at church, then runs to the front to start over again. Henry reads small words, but only when he wants to. Henry's response to the story of the Fall of Man was, "Ok! let's get some fruit snacks!" Henry talks to himself. Henry sits in the bath for an hour if you let him. Henry is always sweet to his sister. Henry is sick often. Henry eats peanut butter from the jar.

Stella is the light of my life. She makes me smile even as I'm being woken up in the dead of night. Stella very rarely cries. Stella is very rarely sick. Stella eats apples and carrots and bananas and oatmeal, usually with her Daddy. Stella says Muh-muh-muh-muh and it makes me feel important. Stella is beautiful.

God gave me babies to love, a house to clean, full of clothes to wash and food to cook, a husband to argue with and a family to love me unconditionally. God gave us work to do. God gave me the desire to write and the will to do it, even if it's only a paragraph a week.


God is nearer. God is ready. God is doing something big. And small at the same time.

N0-Spend Month Update

Bottom line: We spent money. But not as much as we would have.

We didn't eat out except once when we were unexpectedly forced to be away from home, and we scrounged up some coupons and managed to stay under $10 that time.

I bought some stuff to make my niece's birthday invites, since I'd promised to do that before I thought of being cheap for a month.

I also bought the kids bathing suits for next year on super clearance because its impossible/expensive to get them at the beginning of summer, and kids' bathing suits rarely make it intact to goodwill.

Greg got a haircut, and I payed the library fines.

All in all, we averaged about $300 a week for the first two weeks for groceries, gas, and miscellaneous expenses. Not as good as I was hoping, but not bad either. We didn't use credit cards for anything, and paid all of our bills in plenty of time. Not bad 10 months into a new business!

No-Spend Month

I've been looking at our finances again and trying to come up with new ways to shed debt and save for some important steps in our future. My original five year plan may need some extending, as my husband's business is still cyclical and gaining momentum. One month we are scraping by and the next he is being paid for months worth of work. It makes budgeting and planning difficult, and for right now, debt seems to be a part of our lives. In general, here are the steps I've been considering:

1. Lower Fixed Expenses. We've done this as much as humanly possible. We moved into a family owned house and pay no rent or utilities, even our internet is mooched and our cell phones are on the family plan. We sought out public health care options, and now use cheap doctors and clinics when necessary. We don't have cable or other monthly bills. We pay about $100 a month for car, renter's, and life insurance. We have Netflix which my whole family uses and costs about $9 a month. Other than insurance and Netflix, we spend money on gas and food, and have been eating out occasionally, going to the movies once in a while, bought some gifts, and took a couple of road trips this summer. I spend a small amount on the kids' toys and clothes, and of course there are occasional haircuts and pedicures :)

2. Face the Music. I added up everything. Every student loan, credit card, and other debt obligation. It was a lot. We have student loans from law school that are on a long-term repayment plan that is income-based and has a term limit of 25 years. Unless things change dramatically for the better (which would be great) we will probably end up paying only the principal on this loan, so it makes sense to avoid aggressively paying it off. Everything else added up to roughly 62K. This includes our car, my undergrad loans, loans we took out to cover bar expenses, and credit card debt we've acquired this year while Greg's practice was in the starting phase. (The credit card debt was all accumulated for emergency stuff like gas to get to court and health insurance premiums during the slow months.)

Once I had it all laid out in black and white with minimum payment info and interest rates, I made a plan for paying it off. Basically we'll pay 2K a month towards these obligations and have everything, including the car, paid off in less than 3 years. At that point we can ramp up our saving to invest in Greg's practice some more and eventually buy property.

3. Make More Money. Haha, easier said than done. But this has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I have a desire to contribute to our family financially, maybe just because it's been so long since I've had a paying job and I miss it. But the truth is that other than helping Greg out with some writing and editing work, I just don't have time for anything else worthwhile. Two babies are a ton of work and I'm not ready to delegate the childcare just yet.

Lately I've been trying to sneak in some writing time. I know I'm not spending enough time for this to bring in any money yet, but I feel like what I'm doing now will pay off eventually. I may be a one book every five years kind of writer, or maybe even a one book per lifetime writer, I'm not sure. In the past I've let my limited free time keep me from even trying. Lately I've been convicted to throw out my perfectionist tendencies and just do it, even if it's only 20 minutes here and there, even if it's ideas or words written on the backs of envelopes or receipts.

4. And finally, the point of this post... No Spend Month. You've probably heard of this. People take a break from consumerism for a short time and rely on what they have. You stop all discretionary spending for one month in order to reevaluate your spending habits and save a little. Some people just do this with groceries and "eat down" their pantries, using up all the food that would eventually go bad and be wasted. You still pay your bills but don't buy any more crap. I'm thinking this sounds awesome right about now. I'm psyched to try some crazy recipes with the random stuff in our kitchen, and to do projects around the house instead of shopping.

I haven't ok'd it with Greg yet but here are what I think the rules should be:
- set aside cash for next month's bills so we're not tempted to go out and blow a bunch of money as soon as the challenge is over
- have a limited amount of cash for things like gas, milk, and tp (although I do have some great pop fiction lying around, just sayin') this will probably be like $200 - $250
- try to use up stuff around the house and declutter (I'm already eyeing up the pantry and looking for stuff to give away/maybe sell?
- focus on things other than accumulation of stuff. This might mean I'll need a pinterest break, I'm not sure. I'm hoping the shopping break will allow us to do more fun cheap and free things together, and focus on improving ourselves instead of just adding clutter to the house.
- time frame. A month is what most people do, although I'd like start now and go until September 1st. if possible. I am planning on starting preschool with Henry in Sept, and might need some stuff for that, so maybe we'll try to stop the last week in Aug.

Wish me luck and I'll post updates with all of my free time!

Some Words

Stella is 2 months old, and beautiful.

We're trying to potty-train Henry.

I'm going to miss Rachel when she leaves.

I love these kids, but sometimes feel sad about the things I've given up.

I'm an introvert and that's not a character flaw.

God has been quietly calling my name while I've been making lists and doing chores.

I typed this post with one hand.