When I last mentioned writing on here, I was deeply entrenched in writing a novel. Well, the novel is sadly progressing very slowly. It seems like I can only make progress when I have several hours of un-interupted time, which, if you are also a mom, you realize is just laughable.
It was so demoralizing to get out a paragraph a day and never see an end in sight, that I started to write short stories just to feel the satisfaction of having finished something, even if that something was only a rough draft. It was also a way to get down ideas that didn't really fit into the storyline of my novel, and a way to let my brain just explore those ideas without committing a great deal of time. Sometimes it just seemed easier for me to wrap my scattered mind around the plot of a 5,000 word story than to plod through another chapter of the novel.
Well, 5 months later, I think I may be a short story writer. I never thought I could do this, because to me the short story is the hardest form of fiction. It's also my favorite type of fiction to read and I admire most writers who can do it well. Besides feeling woefully inadequate, I also assumed I could never write a good short story because my natural writing style is just so slow-paced. (For example, look at the average length of my blog posts.)
But after reading a ton of stories by other writers and fiddling around with some of my ideas, I'm starting to consider actually submitting one to a magazine. On one hand, it has to be done at some point, on the other, I'm absolutely sure that I'll be rejected, and once that happens I won't want to do it again. So I'm thinking I'll take one story that I'm not completely emotionally invested in and submit it to the best publication I can. Then when it's rejected I'll keep on going down the list until I find someone to publish it. If I make the list before going through the rejection process maybe it won't be so bad?
My stuff tends toward the fantasy/magical realism/speculative fiction genres, though not always. I would say I like sci-fi too, except that I really know relatively little about science and so whenever there is a sci-fi element in my stories it's usually just in the background. I also have an affinity for characters who are mothers, which makes me feel just a little unimaginative. That said, there are several magazines I read that publish fiction similar to what I write, it's just a matter of rating them at this point. This is going to be a long process, because you often don't find out if your work has been accepted or rejected for several months, so I guess I'd better get going!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
Why Does My Baby Need His Own Blog?
I got some books on homeschooling from my local library and have been devouring them like cans of diet coke. I know it's early to be thinking about Henry going to school, but when you think about it, we are sort of home schooling right now anyway. With babies, almost everything they do is about learning. When Henry plays with toys, or the vacuum cleaner, or a Brita filter he finds under the sink (for a whole week), it's really all just education for him.
So in most of the homeschooling books they talk about how to document your learning, and many kids who are homeschooled create journals or "lapbooks" about the different subjects they study. This way they have a record of their achievements and can look back at them later for reference. Well I started thinking. How can I keep a record of Henry's educational development for reference and for my own sentimental reasons without creating more clutter? A Henry blog, of course. This way I can keep track of all the things that only a mother really cares about and still keep my personal blog for reflecting on other areas of my life.
So here it is, Henry's Learning Blog.
I hope to use it now to keep track of milestones, and later to plan out how to educate him more formally, then someday as a place for Henry to add his own acquired knowledge.
So in most of the homeschooling books they talk about how to document your learning, and many kids who are homeschooled create journals or "lapbooks" about the different subjects they study. This way they have a record of their achievements and can look back at them later for reference. Well I started thinking. How can I keep a record of Henry's educational development for reference and for my own sentimental reasons without creating more clutter? A Henry blog, of course. This way I can keep track of all the things that only a mother really cares about and still keep my personal blog for reflecting on other areas of my life.
So here it is, Henry's Learning Blog.
I hope to use it now to keep track of milestones, and later to plan out how to educate him more formally, then someday as a place for Henry to add his own acquired knowledge.
What am I?
In New Jersey, I am a conservative.
In Tennessee, I am a liberal.
Amongst the Yuppies, I am homegrown.
Amongst the hicks, I am sophisticated.
Amongst the poor, I am classy.
Amongst the rich, I am authentic and self-made.
Amongst the intellectual elite, I am down to earth.
Amongst the uneducated, I am informed.
Amongst the helicopter parents, I embrace my son's autonomy.
Amongst the permissive parents, I am over-protective.
In most churches, I challenge the prescribed gender stereotypes.
In my feminist political theory class, I spoke up about the value of traditional gender roles.
Amongst the lawyers, I am a family-woman.
Amongst the moms, I am a working woman.
I don't fit in, I don't conform, and...
I am always one of a kind.
In Tennessee, I am a liberal.
Amongst the Yuppies, I am homegrown.
Amongst the hicks, I am sophisticated.
Amongst the poor, I am classy.
Amongst the rich, I am authentic and self-made.
Amongst the intellectual elite, I am down to earth.
Amongst the uneducated, I am informed.
Amongst the helicopter parents, I embrace my son's autonomy.
Amongst the permissive parents, I am over-protective.
In most churches, I challenge the prescribed gender stereotypes.
In my feminist political theory class, I spoke up about the value of traditional gender roles.
Amongst the lawyers, I am a family-woman.
Amongst the moms, I am a working woman.
I don't fit in, I don't conform, and...
I am always one of a kind.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
QUARANTINED
Before I had Henry, I was rarely sick. Even when he was tiny we managed to stay healthy for about the first eight months. I never understood those parents who were obsessed with germs, lathering everyone in anti-bacterial hand sanitizer, backing away from you if you said you had a little cold. Germs are good for you, right? They make your immune system strong. Too clean of an environment and people's immune systems get wacky.
Well, consider me humbled. Henry and I and occasionally Greg have been continually sick since sometime in November. And I mean continually, like two days of feeling ok in between 3 week stints of yucky-ness. I mentioned before how our holidays were punctuated by illness, but since then it's just gotten worse. We go to the pediatrician every other week. I'm thinking of switching doctors just so they don't think that I'm letting Henry lick petri dishes full of bacteria or something. And it's not just one thing that we can't kick. Sometimes it's stomach flus, ear infections, bad colds, one after another.
I felt so persistently crappy that even I finally went to the doctor, which I pretty much only do if I think I might be dying. One gave me anti-biotics that were too weak, and within a day I woke up with pink eye, a rash, and a UTI, and started spiking a fever with chills. I went to a second doctor who told me to take Cipro, which helped with everything except the original sinus infection. I'm considering going to an allergist, although I don't know what I could possibly be allergic to, since it feels like we never leave the house.
I feel like I've tried everything I can think of to stay healthy. I've cleaned my house from top to bottom, disinfecting Henry's toys, washing all the bedding, I even bought new pillows. We wash our hands like crazy and we stopped sharing spoons (wouldn't have done it in the first place but it's a way to get him to eat new foods). We take vitamins. I usually cut back on the fresh produce during the winter to save some money but I've been splurging for fresh fruits and veggies every day to try and give our bodies a boost.
I'm hoping that it will warm up soon and stop raining so we can get out and play :) Also we haven't been to our church in months, because the nursery is very crowded and we didn't want to give and receive the germs until we could go a week without getting sick. (We've visited my parents' and sister's churches because they don't have any other babies in the nursery), but I really miss the friends we were making there. I feel like our lives are sort of on hold because of this. Luckily a few good friends have come to visit us at home so that we can have some semblance of a social life despite Henry's wheezing and my ever-present box of tissues. All that's missing is some plastic sheeting.
Well, consider me humbled. Henry and I and occasionally Greg have been continually sick since sometime in November. And I mean continually, like two days of feeling ok in between 3 week stints of yucky-ness. I mentioned before how our holidays were punctuated by illness, but since then it's just gotten worse. We go to the pediatrician every other week. I'm thinking of switching doctors just so they don't think that I'm letting Henry lick petri dishes full of bacteria or something. And it's not just one thing that we can't kick. Sometimes it's stomach flus, ear infections, bad colds, one after another.
I felt so persistently crappy that even I finally went to the doctor, which I pretty much only do if I think I might be dying. One gave me anti-biotics that were too weak, and within a day I woke up with pink eye, a rash, and a UTI, and started spiking a fever with chills. I went to a second doctor who told me to take Cipro, which helped with everything except the original sinus infection. I'm considering going to an allergist, although I don't know what I could possibly be allergic to, since it feels like we never leave the house.
I feel like I've tried everything I can think of to stay healthy. I've cleaned my house from top to bottom, disinfecting Henry's toys, washing all the bedding, I even bought new pillows. We wash our hands like crazy and we stopped sharing spoons (wouldn't have done it in the first place but it's a way to get him to eat new foods). We take vitamins. I usually cut back on the fresh produce during the winter to save some money but I've been splurging for fresh fruits and veggies every day to try and give our bodies a boost.
I'm hoping that it will warm up soon and stop raining so we can get out and play :) Also we haven't been to our church in months, because the nursery is very crowded and we didn't want to give and receive the germs until we could go a week without getting sick. (We've visited my parents' and sister's churches because they don't have any other babies in the nursery), but I really miss the friends we were making there. I feel like our lives are sort of on hold because of this. Luckily a few good friends have come to visit us at home so that we can have some semblance of a social life despite Henry's wheezing and my ever-present box of tissues. All that's missing is some plastic sheeting.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
15 Month Old Educational Activities
So I've been trying to get Henry interested in some different games and such, because we've been home a lot due to the weather and some persistent minor illnesses. Here is what we are into at the moment:
1) Anything that has to do with the alphabet. I swear I am not one of those moms who spends her days grilling the baby with flash cards, but Henry is absolutely obsessed with letters and has been ever since he was able to point to them. He loves his ABC Dr. Suess book, and asks to read it (places it on my face) every day. We also have this cool LeapFrog refrigerator magnet thing with magnet letters that you place in the dock and it says what sounds the letter makes. Since we got it he has started to recognize a ton more letters and say some of the sounds too. We also have the Letter Factory video that goes along with it. He likes Starfall too, but I have to do most of the clicking still.
2) Shape sorters. We currently have three. He has gotten a lot better at recognizing which shape goes in which hole.
3) Coloring. I bought the colorwonder paper and markers. They are expensive, but worth it I think considering how he likes to run around with them. I thought that he might be too little for coloring, but he took to it right away, and now everyday he spends a little time sitting at this tiny desk we have scribbling away. He also loves to take the caps on and off the markers and yell "on!" and "off!"
4) Puzzles. He's got a few of the chunky wood ones and they are a little hard for him at this point, but he can still learn to identify animals, shapes, etc by playing with them.
5) Trips. We try to to somewhere just for Henry about every other weekend. It can be hard to find places to go that are interesting for a baby, but we've been to a zoo, a couple different Aquariums, a petting zoo, a train expo, a mall with a big carousel and playground, and some other random places that we thought he would be interested in, like a kids' consignment store that had aisles of used toys for him to look at. When it's just me and Henry, I like to stay closer to home, so it's usually just the library and places where I am running errands for us. Our local mall is like a wonderland to him, there are those little kiddie rides all over and he just likes to sit in them. There is also a Barnes and Noble with a huge kids section where he can run around and look at everything. When I'm out taking care of errands I try to remember the baby and talk about what we are doing and seeing as much as possible.
6) The House. We have a tiny little cottage, and the living area is actually pretty much one big open space, but we play a game sometimes to learn about the different rooms. At first I would go stand in a room and call "Come to the Kitchen" and Henry would follow me. Now I say "Go to the Kitchen" and Henry runs into that room. Light switches help with on and off, the toilet seat with up and down. (I don't really like him playing with the toilet seat, but also don't really want to make it taboo, so I just keep the bathroom door closed unless I'm in there with him.) I'm also trying hard to teach him about putting stuff away when he's done. All of the really annoyingly messy toys (ones that have a ton of pieces that get pushed under the couch) are in little plastic bins, and when he wants to open up one of them he knows we put the current one away.
7) Music. He's always loved singing and music. Every so often I put on a youtube clip with a new song and he is always fascinated. He also likes playing with shakers and a little tambourine, although not as much as he used to.
That's all I can think of right now. Any other suggestions for how we might keep busy when it's too cold to go out?
1) Anything that has to do with the alphabet. I swear I am not one of those moms who spends her days grilling the baby with flash cards, but Henry is absolutely obsessed with letters and has been ever since he was able to point to them. He loves his ABC Dr. Suess book, and asks to read it (places it on my face) every day. We also have this cool LeapFrog refrigerator magnet thing with magnet letters that you place in the dock and it says what sounds the letter makes. Since we got it he has started to recognize a ton more letters and say some of the sounds too. We also have the Letter Factory video that goes along with it. He likes Starfall too, but I have to do most of the clicking still.
2) Shape sorters. We currently have three. He has gotten a lot better at recognizing which shape goes in which hole.
3) Coloring. I bought the colorwonder paper and markers. They are expensive, but worth it I think considering how he likes to run around with them. I thought that he might be too little for coloring, but he took to it right away, and now everyday he spends a little time sitting at this tiny desk we have scribbling away. He also loves to take the caps on and off the markers and yell "on!" and "off!"
4) Puzzles. He's got a few of the chunky wood ones and they are a little hard for him at this point, but he can still learn to identify animals, shapes, etc by playing with them.
5) Trips. We try to to somewhere just for Henry about every other weekend. It can be hard to find places to go that are interesting for a baby, but we've been to a zoo, a couple different Aquariums, a petting zoo, a train expo, a mall with a big carousel and playground, and some other random places that we thought he would be interested in, like a kids' consignment store that had aisles of used toys for him to look at. When it's just me and Henry, I like to stay closer to home, so it's usually just the library and places where I am running errands for us. Our local mall is like a wonderland to him, there are those little kiddie rides all over and he just likes to sit in them. There is also a Barnes and Noble with a huge kids section where he can run around and look at everything. When I'm out taking care of errands I try to remember the baby and talk about what we are doing and seeing as much as possible.
6) The House. We have a tiny little cottage, and the living area is actually pretty much one big open space, but we play a game sometimes to learn about the different rooms. At first I would go stand in a room and call "Come to the Kitchen" and Henry would follow me. Now I say "Go to the Kitchen" and Henry runs into that room. Light switches help with on and off, the toilet seat with up and down. (I don't really like him playing with the toilet seat, but also don't really want to make it taboo, so I just keep the bathroom door closed unless I'm in there with him.) I'm also trying hard to teach him about putting stuff away when he's done. All of the really annoyingly messy toys (ones that have a ton of pieces that get pushed under the couch) are in little plastic bins, and when he wants to open up one of them he knows we put the current one away.
7) Music. He's always loved singing and music. Every so often I put on a youtube clip with a new song and he is always fascinated. He also likes playing with shakers and a little tambourine, although not as much as he used to.
That's all I can think of right now. Any other suggestions for how we might keep busy when it's too cold to go out?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Staying the course
I knew that staying at home with Henry would be hard. My husband commutes 2 hours each way to work. He often leaves before I wake up and comes home after 7 at night. Typically, my day is so busy that I don't have time to miss him or feel lonely. But with these relentless snow storms we've been having lately, I've been stuck inside with only Henry to talk to, and I'm starting to go a little stir crazy.
There have been plenty of times in my life when I've had to do something hard, (in the sense of "hard work", not necessarily hard compared to other people's lives). Getting through law school pregnant and with an infant, then taking the bar was one of the greatest challenges I've ever faced. But those tasks had a goal; there was an end in sight and a way to mark the achievement. There was a graduation party, a definite pay off when I got that letter in the mail, a conclusion that showed me that all my hard work was not in vain.
The rewards of being a mom, (and the rewards are great), are not nearly so easy to define. The goal you're working toward is not one that you can really grasp in a definite way. Of course, we all have dreams for our children, but what they really mean, how they will play out for one individual child is much harder to articulate. There is no pass/fail in mothering.
There is also much less encouragement in the form of respect and support for mothers. Maybe it's because everyone has a mother, what we do is in some ways 'nothing special', maybe it's because as women we are expected to nurture easily, without effort or help. We are expected to cherish the role and enjoy our children. And we do. We love their spirits, and we would do anything for them. But that doesn't mean that the daily grind of dishes, laundry, diapers, food, and mopping the same sticky spots off of the same floor doesn't wear us down. It would be nice for once to get the same look of respect, the same warmth of admiration when I say 'mom', as I do when I say 'lawyer'. Not that our self-worth is defined by the esteem of others. And yet sometimes just a drop of genuine appreciation can fuel us for so long...
The hardest part for me right now is not how others see me, or not knowing whether I am doing a good job. It is the time frame. Most difficult tasks in my life have lasted a few months or a few years. Being a mother is, like being a wife, a life-long pursuit. In this light it might seem that being a mother is a relationship, not a job to be accomplished, so why view it this way in the first place? Why not just sit back and enjoy life?
Any mother can tell you why. The responsibility goes far beyond wiping hands or learning the alphabet. The axiom "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" is as true as any I've heard. Certainly, individual acts we take as mothers can have a powerful impact on our children and therefore on the world. But it is not one or even a series of isolated incidents that define our children. We are in it for the long haul, and every day counts.
It's much like staying healthy or anything else that requires daily practice and effort, except that parenting cannot fall back on habit the way these other areas might. Each day brings new challenges, each child is different. What was working fine yesterday may need to change to adapt to today's problems. In some ways, the constant call for creativity actually serves to break up the monotony of the mundane tasks involved in caring for another human being.
Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
UPDATE: Since writing this post, the snow has closed down the courthouse in Jersey City! This means that Greg came home at 10am, and let me sleep for two hours to catch up after a rough first part of the week. The bad news is that our car was towed in the middle of the night last night so they could plow (no lan line = no warning), but I don't even care, I'm just so happy to get a little break!
There have been plenty of times in my life when I've had to do something hard, (in the sense of "hard work", not necessarily hard compared to other people's lives). Getting through law school pregnant and with an infant, then taking the bar was one of the greatest challenges I've ever faced. But those tasks had a goal; there was an end in sight and a way to mark the achievement. There was a graduation party, a definite pay off when I got that letter in the mail, a conclusion that showed me that all my hard work was not in vain.
The rewards of being a mom, (and the rewards are great), are not nearly so easy to define. The goal you're working toward is not one that you can really grasp in a definite way. Of course, we all have dreams for our children, but what they really mean, how they will play out for one individual child is much harder to articulate. There is no pass/fail in mothering.
There is also much less encouragement in the form of respect and support for mothers. Maybe it's because everyone has a mother, what we do is in some ways 'nothing special', maybe it's because as women we are expected to nurture easily, without effort or help. We are expected to cherish the role and enjoy our children. And we do. We love their spirits, and we would do anything for them. But that doesn't mean that the daily grind of dishes, laundry, diapers, food, and mopping the same sticky spots off of the same floor doesn't wear us down. It would be nice for once to get the same look of respect, the same warmth of admiration when I say 'mom', as I do when I say 'lawyer'. Not that our self-worth is defined by the esteem of others. And yet sometimes just a drop of genuine appreciation can fuel us for so long...
The hardest part for me right now is not how others see me, or not knowing whether I am doing a good job. It is the time frame. Most difficult tasks in my life have lasted a few months or a few years. Being a mother is, like being a wife, a life-long pursuit. In this light it might seem that being a mother is a relationship, not a job to be accomplished, so why view it this way in the first place? Why not just sit back and enjoy life?
Any mother can tell you why. The responsibility goes far beyond wiping hands or learning the alphabet. The axiom "the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world" is as true as any I've heard. Certainly, individual acts we take as mothers can have a powerful impact on our children and therefore on the world. But it is not one or even a series of isolated incidents that define our children. We are in it for the long haul, and every day counts.
It's much like staying healthy or anything else that requires daily practice and effort, except that parenting cannot fall back on habit the way these other areas might. Each day brings new challenges, each child is different. What was working fine yesterday may need to change to adapt to today's problems. In some ways, the constant call for creativity actually serves to break up the monotony of the mundane tasks involved in caring for another human being.
Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
UPDATE: Since writing this post, the snow has closed down the courthouse in Jersey City! This means that Greg came home at 10am, and let me sleep for two hours to catch up after a rough first part of the week. The bad news is that our car was towed in the middle of the night last night so they could plow (no lan line = no warning), but I don't even care, I'm just so happy to get a little break!
Sunday, January 23, 2011
It just gets busier
Every year I keep thinking - "Wow, this year has been crazy, eventually things will slow down ." But they never do. When I started law school, I couldn't imagine being any busier. And then I got pregnant. It seems like just when I start thinking that I have everything planned out, when I think I have everything under control, that's when God throws another ball in there for me to keep in the air.
I just started to think that I had a workable plan for starting my own law practice, that I had a good idea of how I would progress, and I was starting to gain confidence in the plan. Now I may have a different kind of opportunity, and I have to decide what to do about it. It might be just what I need at this point, but it is hard. It is hard to change my plan, even if the change is good.
I just started to think that I had a workable plan for starting my own law practice, that I had a good idea of how I would progress, and I was starting to gain confidence in the plan. Now I may have a different kind of opportunity, and I have to decide what to do about it. It might be just what I need at this point, but it is hard. It is hard to change my plan, even if the change is good.
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