Back in the Saddle

Where are the posts? You may ask.
Well... I actually have been writing posts, just not publishing them.
You see, I decided as we neared the finish line with law school finals to try and kick start a little weight-loss program. I bought the 30-day shred and began doing it, writing posts each day about what I ate, what I weighed, and how I felt doing the work-out. But...
After day four we left for our typical end of the year vacation to Lancaster, Pa. I was all set with my dvd, mat and weights in tow. However, when we arrived we couldn't get a dvd player and Henry went to bed too early and our room was too small to do it anyway. So I thought, o well, I can use the gym while I'm here. But the resort that we've been going to since before I was born has decided to sell half of itself to Double Tree, meaning that to get to the gym I have to go to another building, which would not open with my room card/key thingy.
Ok no biggy, I figure I'll take a brief hiatus from the working out, it's probably good to let my muscles recuperate from all that stuff anyway, right?
Right?
Well, on vacation Henry gets a killer cold, making him cranky almost the whole trip, and he gives it to me by the time we get home, and for the past week I've been lying around the house in a Nyquil induced stupor using up a Costco sized pack of tissues but unfortunately very few calories.
So there you have it. It's supposed to be like day 20 of my awe-inspiring post-lawschool transformation, and instead of planning my return to pre-lawschool jeans, I'm wondering if I can scrounge up a dress to squeeze into for graduation next week.
So what do I do now? I guess get back in the saddle. I've gained about 10 lbs for every time I've gone through finals. Think about it: over three years, that's a lot of study weight. Now it's time to rise like the phoenix from the pile of ashes that was once my corporate tax outline, and emerge the much more educated, much more cynical, slightly smarter, definitely more stretch-marked 25-year-old version of myself. Would it be too much to hope for if this new and improved Grace could ever again wear the contents of those boxes in the attic marked "skinny"? Only time will tell.

Diet Update

So, I think I might have mentioned that I am trying to take off some of this law school weight. This diet feels a lot different than efforts I've made in the past; because it's one of the first times I've tried to lose weight for my health and to feel better rather than just to look better, fit into smaller clothes, etc. I'm trying to start slow so I don't burn out too quickly.

I have a friend who I went to high school with who recently lost lots of weight just counting calories and adding some exercise. So I found this website: http://www.fitday.com , which helps you keep track of what you're eating, calories, fat, even different essential vitamins. I've been shooting for 1,200 a day, with leeway for unexpected temptations I usually end up somewhere between 1,300 and 1,400. I honestly haven't been hungry with this amount, because making the list lets you evaluate what you're going to eat for the day and make better tradeoffs. Some things are just not worth it when you see the stats.

I really like to eat more at night, which is worse for weight loss purposes, but again, I have to be realistic or I'll never be able to stick to this. One thing that helps is the Costco brand slimfast shake thingies for breakfast. If you're not used to them they might taste a little weird, but I lived on these things when I was a vegetarian, so they are familiar and comforting to me. I usually don't have much of an appetite for breakfast, so the shakes are great because they don't upset my tummy, and I'm not ravenous after my first class. I drank the actual slimfast brand shakes back when I was skipping meat, but they changed their formula to be low-carb now and they just don't fill me up the same way. Also the Costco shakes are like 50cents a can on sale. Not bad for a meal replacement!

The exercise prong of my attack is also going well. I've been trying to do one workout video a night. Not every workout video is equal. I have Denise Austin's Cardio Kickboxing for when I really want to sweat. Then there is Sweatin' to the Oldies for some lower impact cardio dance. Cindy Crawford's workout video is really marketed more towards men, picture saucy workout music and Cindy working out on a beach with her hair down and wearing a one-piece swimsuit. However, the arms and abs part is pretty good, so this makes it into the rotation. Then there is the legs, abs, and buns of steel trifecta. These are awesome: short, effective, and starring hilariously outdated workout gurus. The abs of steel will start becoming a staple soon, but I need a little time before attempting the buns and legs, that is if I want to be able to walk to school the next day. My gaim yoga video is also useful sometimes. I do it most often when my back is really bothering me. Despite the ludicrous hippie jargon (e.g. "Soften your organs", and "press your feet deep into the earth."), this video is great for your posture (mine sucks), although it does make me kind of depressed that I have the flexibility of an 80-year-old actuary. Also in the library but barely legitimate is Carmen Elektra's aerobic striptease, which is pretty much a joke, but an ok one at that.

So, drumroll please...................... total weight lost: 5 lbs!!
At first I went up a little the first couple of days, probably because my body was in shock from the sudden physical activity, but then it started to drop. I'm hoping to keep up this plan for a while until I hit a plateau, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Altogether I need to lose around another 45 lbs to be at an ideal weight, but I would be happy with any small percentage of that while I'm in lawschool!

Not Me Monday - My first attempt at a blog carnival!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not go to Costco and eat one of every sample offered on Sunday, mostly with the intention of not having to count the samples in my food log. I am committed to losing weight and would never sabotage myself like that.

I did not read blogs when I should have been writing my Ap Ad Brief.

I did not purposely choose to do Carmen Elektra's aerobic striptease workout video instead of a legitimate workout video, so that half-way through I could pretend to be "in the mood" and not have to do an entire video.

I did not cut a homemade pizza in half and eat half in order to stay on my diet by technically only having one "slice" of pizza. I realize that this would still be cheating.

I did not start drinking slimfast in the morning because my daily vitamins are too big for me to swallow without gagging. I am an adult and of course I can swallow a pill.

I definitely am not blogging instead of writing said Ap Ad brief.

I made it through! (barely)

So I haven't posted since the summer. This is because this semester was the hardest I've ever had. Classes weren't that bad, but I was on a law journal, which basically means that at any point during the semester I would get an obnoxious email saying I had to do an assignment for the journal, with strict deadlines. Also there were "reading days", meaning Saturdays where we redid all of the assignments as a group and ate stale turkey wraps. Worst. Semester. Ever.

But all this is behind me. I did not accomplish anything besides surviving law school. I did not finish any fun craft projects or develop any much needed good habits, so this year is all about personal improvement. I made a beautiful list of New Year's resolutions. I figured that it was way too overwhelming to conquer at once so I'm trying to use the flylady method (sort of) to handle one new habit at a time.

On the menu for Jan. has been to adjust to not taking birth control pills (successful) work on getting 8 hours of sleep (unsuccessful), take a multi-vitamin every day (successful), go to all of my classes (mostly successful), drink more water (working on it), and go to church regularly. The church step is more complicated than I thought. We found a great thriving church near where I worked this summer, but we found it sort of difficult to break in socially. Everyone was extremely friendly, but it is just hard when everyone else has known each other so long and you're just coming in. They stopped having a mid-week bible study for our age group, and after that we gave up. In 2009 we started going to the Wed. night service at the church that we went to in college. It is nice to see familiar faces, to hold the babies and kids that we know so well. The problems are that it takes almost an hour and a half to get there, and I'm not getting a whole lot from the teaching. While debating about these issues and sort of feeling guilty about my lack of spiritual committment, the pastor from the church we found this summer asked to take us to lunch. He proceeded to gently hint that we needed to not be so lame and go to church even when we are so busy. I totally agree.

I have, for about the first 22 years of my life, been the kind of person who goes to church 3 times a week. In college I actually looked forward to going to church so much that I would plan everything around it, classes, jobs, etc. I especially loved living on the same street as my church in my junior year. I would be taking a nap and just roll out of bed and go to church, sometimes in my pjs (on Wed. nights only :). No one judged me for this (out loud). I knew everyone and everyone knew me. I was closer to my church family than anyone else other than my actual family. When I had tough times, they were there for me, supporting to me, listening to me, and I loved encouraging them too. I taught Sunday School and grew to love the little kids. I held the babies every week and loved them too. I felt like I didn't need to be fake with them at all. When someone asked "how are you?", I gave an honest answer and expected the same in return. We didn't feel weird asking personal questions, like "Are you going to have children?"

Now I'm just not sure what happened. Somewhere along with all of the changes that have occurred in the past two years I lost that family. Moving, marriage, graduation, going to law school. Everything hit me at once and now I don't even recognize myself. I'm 50 lbs heavier, I own a kitchenaid, and I haven't heard the Lord's calling in almost 2 years. I know I need to get out of this rut, but I'm not sure how. All I can do is take one little step at a time. Taking a vitamin might not seem very important to someone looking in, but from here it seems like one of the few steps I can manage right now. Anything more and I would probably just give up altogether.

I realize now more than ever the importance of having routines. Routines are what allow us to accomplish important things without having to worry and obsess over the little things. Things like cleaning, making dinner, even getting dressed in a routine, forms a habit so you can do them all without having to devote precious mental energy to the mundane. For instance, when you gain weight and change sizes, every morning becomes a battle to find something to wear. It is not as simple as just buying clothes like the ones you had in a size up. Clothes that looked fine in a 12 might look terrible in a 14. The weight gain also means that my closet is packed with two sets of clothes, some that fit, and some that don't. This creates the stress of feeling disorganized, the stress and guilt of spending money on clothes that I shouldn't need. This in turn brings me to stressing about money, something over which at this point in my life I have almost no control over. The Devil uses this chain of stressful thoughts to completely ruin any chance I had of having a good day. Instead of focusing on the difficult mental tasks of the day, I'm stuck struggling with issues that I have no immediate control over. Of course when I try to take small steps in the right direction, like exercising that day, another voice says "you don't have time to waste exercising, you need to be studying!". So I study, and worry about my weight, and about money.

So enough complaining. I will focus on my goals one at a time. My goals will be small and manageable, and I will not worry about the larger problem when I am doing my best to chip away at it with smaller steps. That is all I can do. This week I will go to church. I don't have to find a best friend, or be invited to everyone's house for lunch, or asked to teach Sunday school. I will just show up, and leave when the service is over. That is all that I can handle this week, so that's what I'll do.