Luke 2

2 And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

² (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
³ And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
⁴ And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
⁵ To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
⁶ And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
⁷ And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
⁸ And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
⁹ And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
¹⁰ And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
¹¹ For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
¹² And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
¹³ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
¹⁴ Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
¹⁵ And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
¹⁶ And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
¹⁷ And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
¹⁸ And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
¹⁹ But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.
²⁰ And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.
²¹ And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called Jesus, which was so named of the angel before he was conceived in the womb.
²² And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord;
²³ (As it is written in the law of the Lord, Every male that openeth the womb shall be called holy to the Lord;)
²⁴ And to offer a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, A pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons.
²⁵ And, behold, there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon; and the same man was just and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel: and the Holy Ghost was upon him.
²⁶ And it was revealed unto him by the Holy Ghost, that he should not see death, before he had seen the Lord's Christ.
²⁷ And he came by the Spirit into the temple: and when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him after the custom of the law,
²⁸ Then took he him up in his arms, and blessed God, and said,
²⁹ Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word:
³⁰ For mine eyes have seen thy salvation,
³¹ Which thou hast prepared before the face of all people;
³² A light to lighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel.
³³ And Joseph and his mother marvelled at those things which were spoken of him.
³⁴ And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary his mother, Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against;
³⁵ (Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also,) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.
³⁶ And there was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Aser: she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity;
³⁷ And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.
³⁸ And she coming in that instant gave thanks likewise unto the Lord, and spake of him to all them that looked for redemption in Jerusalem.
³⁹ And when they had performed all things according to the law of the Lord, they returned into Galilee, to their own city Nazareth.
⁴⁰ And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom: and the grace of God was upon him.

Organized.

This has been the mantra ruling my every free second since sometime last year. Getting the clothes organized, the closets organized, the finances organized. Organizing the grocery list, the library books, the social calendar, the traveling details. Saving receipts, clipping coupons, sending out bills.

Always in front of me there is this vision of my life completely organized. I sit at my cleared off kitchen table, drinking home-brewed iced tea, wearing clothes that fit well on the body I got from working out every day while my kids take synchronized naps, while the healthy made-from-scratch dinner bakes in the oven. All the projects are done, every inch of the house painted, swept, disinfected, steam-cleaned, pressed. I type the correct number of words allotted for that day, moving forward in a perfectly straight line toward the ultimate goal of my completed book.

I never spend more than I have to, I never waste time with indecision, never turn back once I've gone down a road, because I always choose the right road the first time. My hair is cut and my nails are polished and I remember everything I'm supposed to do this weekend.

Then the vision fades, and I am appalled by this person living in my house, this flighty, unfocused person who wanders the apartment retrieving socks and scribbling lines of plot onto old envelopes. The person who changes main characters and voice mid-novel. The person who, after feeling nauseous and tired for a couple of days, begins to agonize over the dreaded possibility of an unlooked-for pregnancy, and then, in the same day prays sincerely but futilely for the second line to appear, because salvation lies in the second line. She goes to the store in desperate need and then wanders around trying to remember why she came.

This person is unrecognizable to me, because inside I am a little girl who went to fairs and guessed the number of marbles in the jar, and put my name in hats, and never worried that I wouldn't win - such a thought was inconceivable! I always won. I believed in my own worthiness the way I believed in the infallibility of my family, the way I am tempted now to view the perfection of my children.

I am, in short, so disorganized that I'm not sure now whether the Good Things are a result of some hidden wealth of potential, or that self-centered, entitled bravado, or, most likely, the gifts of a benevolent God who pities my naivety. It is said, God won't give you more than you can handle, and I must be weak indeed for the charmed life I've led.

At the end of the year now, as I make lists and check off boxes and count the cutlery, I am determined to put aside these things sometimes, to stop and think about something deeper, more mysterious than the perfection I crave.

My friend died recently, an old friend. She did not go to the gym; she didn't wear makeup. The wallpaper in her hallway was torn and only some of her children are doctors and professors, only some are married :) She had things in order. Before she got sick, I decided to let go of some of the clutter, ever pursuing that simplified life. I threw out close to 27 birthday cards from this friend. Year after year, she'd taken the time to send me a card. Sometimes she wrote out a verse in her neat little script, sometimes a five or ten dollar bill would fall from the card, neatly folded in two by her honest hands. She never flattered, but sincerely encouraged, using all she had she pushed grace and kindness outward and it rained down on everyone she knew.

I know when I think of my friend, that no amount of planning and working can make me into a woman like her. There is no time to wait until all the dishes are done to develop spiritually. I know I need to invite others into my home even if my ego won't be stroked by them complimenting it. I know I need to go to parties and showers and dinners even though I feel like hiding my disorganized self away in the dark. It is time, my friends, to get the priorities straight.