Sticking With It

It's been almost a month under our strict new budget, and things are going well. At first it seemed like we'd never be able to stick to our tiny, shiny new budget. Our car demanded (loudly) an oil change, Henry's feet demanded bigger shoes, and my family took us on vacation for the weekend, which meant traveling and food costs we didn't anticipate. We also found the double stroller we wanted on a clearance shelf, and figured getting it now would be useful since we can take Henry and my niece for walks (disaster, by the way).

On the plus side, Greg and Henry finally went on Medicaid, saving us about 1200 dollars a month. It feels crazy just to type that. Especially since, even with winter colds and ear infections, their actual health costs are probably around 2oo a month at the most. We're still paying for my insanely expensive insurance because we don't want to switch OBs this late in the game.

About half way through the month, I thought to myself, "this is never going to happen, we are going to have credit cards for years and not be able to save anything for our business, let alone a house someday." But then God is good. He provided the business and the money, and Greg made enough to cover our bills, our cash needs like groceries, and still have enough to pay down some debt. I still can't believe it. It's the first month that we've been able to do this since Greg started working for himself.

If this sounds worrisome, it's not. When we talked to others who have started their own practices we found out that it often takes a year or more to just break even. So making enough profit in month four to support us is just amazing. I'm not sure if things will continue this way, and I'm sure we will have ups and downs, it's just the nature of having your own business. But I know that whatever happens God will provide and I am just blown away by his faithfulness this month.

One awesome thing about making that long term plan: It's so much easier to stick with a budget and say no to small stuff when you have a plan. When I consider whether or not to eat out, the choice is no longer between something great and something lame. When I'm making food at home I'm picturing us four years from now, with a 6 year old and a 4 year old and who knows what else. We own an office building and a law practice, and we've just starting house hunting! It just makes the restaurant food a little less appealing I guess.

25/26 Weeks?

How far along? Sigh. I thought I knew. At my last OB app. (which should have been 24 weeks), the nurse said I was 25. I asked the doctor who looked back at the earliest measurements they had, and he said my due date was somewhere between April 23 and 30! I'm starting to wonder about the 500+ I shell out each month so I can go to a "good" doctor.

Total weight gain/loss: Down another lb., so -9 total.

(The doctor has me worried because baby's abdomen is measuring ten days behind the rest of him/her. I don't think it's a big deal to lose weight when you start out overweight, and from what I can gather online a small abdomen could just mean we have a genetically skinny kid (read: like Henry). Everything else was normal on the ultrasound so I'm hoping that's just it.)

Maternity clothes? We went on vacation this last weekend and I tried to go outlet shopping. Ugh. pregnant people should never see the light of day! I don't know, I think other pregnant people look adorable but I carry so low that maternity jeans either feel uncomfortable or just fall right off me. I ended up buying a couple of jumbo sweaters from Kmart...

Sleep: Terrible! I get up once or twice a night.

Best moment this week: Eating! We went to Lancaster for the weekend. It was my sister and brother-in-law's Christmas present to our family. I pigged out, and only threw up once on the trip. Hopefully this kid is getting some calories now.

Movement: Baby is very active, and I feel movement everywhere.

Food cravings: Rice with soy sauce, mmm... Also pineapple.

Gender: It was sad being at the outlets this weekend and staring at all the adorable pink and blue clothes on clearance racks. But the bottom line is I saved a ton by not knowing, and when the baby is born we'll have everything we need. Greg and I talked names during the car ride there, and we agree easily on boy names but neither of us really like any girl name.

Labor Signs: Contractions when I get dehydrated or cold or too active. Also sometimes randomly in the middle of the night. Dr. says cervix is fine so nothing to worry about :)

Belly Button in or out? In, my tummy is starting to look like a pillow with a button in the middle :)

What I miss: My waist.

What I am looking forward to: What I have been this whole time, a sleepy little face squished up under a pastel hat.

Weekly Wisdom: God will provide!

Milestones: Viability.

Resolved

Subtitled: Some Scattered Thoughts about Change

I recently sat down and made a five year financial plan for our little family. The budget was cut even though I thought it couldn't get any smaller, and a plan was made for how we want to spend our money for the next five years. I have to admit, it was scary to put those goals down on paper, goals that it seems others have no problem reaching and yet it will take so much sacrifice for us to get there.

I'm excited to move because I feel like we're living in limbo. But I'm worried too. I need autonomy to really thrive, and moving into the same house as my parents and sister seems like a recipe for regression. Most of the things I want to change about myself are more difficult with my family around. I find it hard to live my own life sometimes and I feel like I get sucked into their lives more often than I'd like. I find myself appreciating the two years that Greg and I lived in Newark more and more, not because I don't like my family, but because I like the person I am when I'm on my own.

I am afraid to make a resolution about these things, but these are the desires I have for the next few years:

I want my own spiritual life. Not the spiritual life that I see someone else have. I want to actually see a difference in myself because of the Holy Spirit, not just survive the day because of Him. Lately my prayers have been those of a child. Thank You. Praise You. And Please. Always please. Have mercy. Help me. Oh please, help me through. I want to pray the way I used to pray. For others, and for God's will. Earnestly, and with faith that my prayers will be answered.

I want to stop just getting through and actually living. I want to help someone else instead of always being the one to need help.

I want to write the story that God wants me to write, not the story that I think people want to hear.

I want to show my son how to worship God, how to learn, how to be healthy and how to love others. If everything else I do as a parent fails, I hope that God will take over and claim him anyway.

I want to be beautiful to my husband. I know he thinks I'm beautiful on the outside, however I or anyone else may feel about it. But I want to know that it's more than that. Sometimes I believe this, and sometimes I have doubts. There is so much of myself that I hide from him, and I want to finally be comfortable enough to express it all someday.

I want to give away whatever I have.