Will We Still Foster?

I mentioned before that Greg and I started the training process to become foster parents. We had our first meeting two nights ago and found out more about how the training will work. We also got a chance to ask some questions.

The trickiest part for me was finding out what I needed to know without mentioning the fact that we will most likely have another baby by April. We will definitely tell the workers eventually, but I just didn't think it was the right time, since we just barely know ourselves!

Do I think we can afford this new baby and a foster child? Definitely. The cost is not the issue.

Do I think we can fit another child into our tiny two-bedroom cottage? Not really, but when it comes down to it, if we get licensed for two kids in Henry's room and a crib in our room then we will make it work.

Do I think I can handle a toddler, a new baby and a foster child? Well, no. And yes. With God all things are possible right?

The real questions that keep coming to me are these: How can I, knowing what I know about the system and the children in need, turn my back on them? What if it were Henry, taken from his home and given to strangers to raise? What if he were given to people who didn't read to him every day, who didn't pray with him, who didn't spend all the time and effort that I do trying to get him to eat something every day? What if he were given to people who just didn't love him, people who take in kids for the monthly stipend?

Thinking about my son this way is horrifying, soul-crushing, heartbreaking. It hurts. It hurts to even think it. But this is what is happening to someone else's baby. This is what is happening to God's children.

So the short answer is... yes. We will still foster. If we have to cram a crib into our little bedroom, if we have to get bunk beds, if we have to stop eating out and get all of our books from the library and wear the clothes we bought five years ago, as long as it's God's will, we will find a way to do it.

Weightloss Postponed

You may have noticed that I did not post last week's weigh in. I was feeling kind of under the weather and even though I stuck to my calories I didn't lose anything. I just felt tired, kind of bloated, not really myself. I was wracking my brain as to why I didn't lose even though I felt like I did everything right.

Suddenly it dawned on me.



Yes, about a year after I thought I was ready for #2, he/she is finally on the way!

My original goal when I started dieting was to fix my fertility problems, and it looks like that goal has been reached. I am not saying that I am going to just completely go back to the way I was eating before, but I don't know that I'm going to keep dieting now. I am still excited to reach all of the goals I had, but some will have to be postponed until the baby arrives. Until then I will eat as healthily as I can while providing enough nutrition for this little one.

During my last pregnancy I actually lost about 15 lbs. during the first trimester due to morning sickness and food aversions, and then gained about 25 the rest of the pregnancy, then lost it all and then some in the hospital. Honestly I would rather gain some weight than go through that again! I haven't gotten sick yet, it shouldn't kick in for another couple of weeks.

So anyway, my weight loss journey is sort of on hold, but only temporarily. I will probably post more about my feelings about getting pregnant, once it's sunk in more :)

Seven Week Weigh In

Made it to 15 lbs just in time! I really needed a pedicure to make up for my dwindling wardrobe. I had to go to a social function with Greg's boss (a NJ Supreme Court justice) and another former and a current NJ Supreme Court justice, and had absolutely nothing to wear (or so I thought).

So the day before I went to the mall and tried on 500 things. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't totally frustrated in the dressing room. Most of the clothes I tried on looked pretty good actually, and a couple of times I even had to get a smaller size than the one I originally selected.

But I didn't buy anything....

Why?

Because I didn't want to invest in this size. I'm not yet the way I want to be, so why spend the money on clothes I'm hoping won't fit in another month?

I went home empty-handed with a shiny new pedicure, and wore a dress I had in the back of my closet. There will be plenty of time for shopping when I'm done...

I am so excited right now because 15 lbs. was my goal for the summer, and I still have two weeks to go. My next challenge will be to lose another 25 before New Year's. At this rate, I should be able to reach that goal. Since 25 lbs. is a long ways to go without a little incentive, I have some fun mini-goals to reach in the meantime.

1) Lose 10% of my original body weight - When I reach this goal I will get a cool new haircut and also try on my wedding ring, which has been sitting in a jewelry box since I got pregnant. I was actually heavier than I am now the last time I wore it, but I guess pregnancy does weird things to your... fingers?

2) Lose 30 lbs. - subscribe to a weight loss magazine. This may seem silly to some of you, but I love magazines and don't usually buy them (in fact, all my reading material is from the library these frugal days) so they are a major luxury item for me. I'm thinking SHAPE. I used to buy it occasionally back in my fitter college days and it always inspired me, and I feel that the monthly reminder will help me stay motivated.

Right now I'm not setting any fitness goals because I'm still not sure how I'm going to approach it. My overall goal with this journey is not to just diet or exercise to lose some weight, but to change my habits to the point where it just becomes a part of my life to eat healthy and be fit. I can't say that the healthy eating is habitual quite yet, and so I'm reluctant to add too much in the way of exercise at this point. On the other hand, I know I would see much better results if I started a workout routine, and I genuinely miss my abs of steel (the video, I'm not sure I ever actually had the abs). One compromise might be to just add a little bit of strength training 3 times a week, and then try to make my long walks with Henry more of a routine and maybe track the miles or time. Hmmm, something to think about.

Six Week Weigh In

Down 12 lbs.

I was afraid I wouldn't lose anything this week because my husband has the week off and we've been eating out a lot, and hanging out with friends which makes dieting a lot harder for me.

I guess the key to eating out for me has been avoiding red meat, potatoes, and salad dressing. I try to order something that avoids those categories but sounds really good so that I don't feel deprived or left out, and then eat a smaller portion. Last night I ordered a gourmet pizza and ate two small slices; the other day at Panera I ate half of the small BBQ chicken salad. I also try to reduce calories the rest of the day if I know we are going out.

Some "superfoods" (very healthy foods I turn to to make up for eating some not so healthy foods).

1) Tuna fish - tons of protein, hardly any fat, no carbs. I make a can with 1 tbs. of low-fat mayo, a little relish, and then eat it with...
2) Wasa crispbread - 45 calories each, giant delicious crackers that put some crunch into every bite.
3) Low-fat mozzerella string cheese - about 5 grams of fat, but so filling that they can get you through until the next meal, and low carb.
4) Grilled chicken marinated in light dressing - so filling and delicious.
5) Jello - no lie, this has no nutritional value whatsoever, but if you have a sweet tooth the little bit of aspartame in the sugar-free cups of jello can take the edge off when really dessert is not an option. Fruit is better, but not always readily available.
6) Along the same lines, Chocolate cocoa mix prepared with water or skim milk. This satisfies my chocolate cravings without the fat and calories of real chocolate. With skim milk I get a way to extinguish the fires of heartburn.
7) Fresh lemons - squeezed into my diet coke, floating in my ice water, spritzed on my grilled chicken, something about having a bowl of fresh lemons is a cheap way to make you feel indulged. Feeling indulged is the opposite of feeling deprived, and deprivation is the diet killer.

What foods do you turn to when you need to make up for too much social eating?

What's on the Agenda

Selling our car and possibly buying a van,

Moving Greg into his new office and getting him ready to start his own practice,

Figuring out how to make it through those first few months with no money,

Getting Henry to go to sleep in his new bed without having to drive him around for an hour,

Supporting my sister and parents as they take out a mortgage and completely overhaul my childhood home, with the hope that we will be able to move in once the renovations are done,

Preparing to do Tot School with Henry this year,

Going to training classes to become a certified resource family (foster parents),

Trying to continue to eat healthy and steadily lose weight,

Preparing for Greg's Mom's wedding in September,

Trying to fit in room for my spiritual life in the midst of utter chaos and constant change.

Writing is not even on this list because there is just no way. Sigh.

Five Week Weigh-In

(I know I just did the four week, but it was a little late, today is actually five weeks.)

I am down 10 lbs. even. Today I am seeing it just a little, mostly in my face and around my ribcage. I was planning on giving myself a little reward for this, but money is kind of tight right now and I'm still feeling pretty motivated, so I guess when I hit 15 lbs. I'll go get a pedicure.

I cheated too much last week, went out to eat too often, and had too much dessert. Did you know one serving of salad at Olive Garden contains 26 grams of fat? Salad! Eating out is so not worth it. I'd love to recount all the other ways I messed up this week, but I have to go take Henry to the doctor :(

Four Week Weigh-In

After four weeks of dieting, I am down 9 lbs. Not the extreme drop that I would have had on a crash diet, but definitely an improvement. I'm still wearing the same clothes and haven't really noticed a difference in the way I look, but I do feel more energized and when I cheat and eat take-out occasionally it just makes me sick. I haven't had red meat (except for one hot dog at a party right after my facial surgery). I've had very few potatoes or refined carbs at all. I am still working on eating more vegetables and drinking enough water. I still get my caffeine fix with diet coke, but drink a little bit less when I am pushing water. So... so far so good.