For the Price of a Cup of Coffee....

Have you heard this before? For the price of a cup of coffee you can rescue an orphan, save for retirement, eliminate your debt, etc.

Every time I hear this, I just want to strangle those coffee drinkers. How could you possibly have so much dough just falling out of your pockets that you could save the whales with the cost of your luxoriously overpriced coffee?!?

I don't drink coffee, or alcohol, for that matter. I don't have cable, or a lan line. I've already shopped around for better car insurance for our one and only Ford Taurus. I turn off the lights, I cut coupons, I feed my baby (gasp) store brand formula. I have health insurance for my husband and I because our school requires it and because the premium is (believe it or not) less than our medical expenses this year. Henry does not have health insurance, and I'm considering taking him to the free clinic for his vaccines rather than face another pediatrician's bill. We don't go out to eat (unless it's with my parents), we don't go to the movies, we don't go on vacation (again, unless invited by the family). I have even been known to return a gift someone gave me to get something more practical. (EXAMPLE: $200 digital photo frame that we took back to Costco and got groceries for like a month) I don't have a gym membership, subscribe to any newspapers or magazines, I steal my next door neighbor (my sister's) internet connection.

So I think I may be almost at the bottom of what I'm willing to do to come up with some money. My "cup of coffee" is going to be pretty hard to give up. I guess I could try and quit my diet coke habit. (Deep waves of terror just coursed through my body). Well it's going to have to be something really drastic if I want to save an entire whale.

Greg's very belated Birthday Party

So I really blew it this year.

Greg's birthday snuck up on me, and not only did I not manage to put together a party, but never found the present I was looking for.

So I finally just invited everyone over almost a month later, and managed to get about half our friends there. It turned out to be a lot of fun, but next year I'm definitely doing better.








Henry was obsessed with the balloons.





Burnt red velvet birthday cake, yum!

Sittin' Pretty Handsome

Not Surprised.

My sister went to the doctor yesterday to confirm her blighted ovum and discuss her options. The doctor started out by looking at the results of her blood test, which were not promising. Then he did another ultrasound. A heartbeat, a little bean inside the circle, and then she knew. The baby was there all along, just younger than anyone thought!

I couldn't say that I was very surprised, just glad. About two days ago I sort of got a feeling like everything would work out, that God was in control and that all the disappointment, confusion, frustration, etc was a waste of time. I stopped crying, started flipping through the baby name books again, and bought a cute little girl's outfit that was on sale, just in case. Lo and behold! Everything is ok. And we are blessed again. I'm trying to think of something special for my sister though. I thought maybe an ice cream cake welcoming her little bean? Or maybe a little onesie?

Baby Cheers Everybody Up!

Life is...

I trust God, I do. He has been with me through thick and thin, in tough times and in joyful times. Ultimately, deep down, I know that He knows what He's doing and that His plans are to help us and not to hurt us. But sometimes it's hard to see the pattern in the seemingly random hurts of our lives.

My sister called me yesterday. She had just gotten back from the doctor's office. The baby she had tried for for over a year, the baby she had religiously taken pre-natal vitamins for, the baby that she tracked her ovulation for for months and months for, the baby that she had endured the side-effects of Clomid for, the baby that she canceled her vacation to the Dominican Republic for, the baby that she rejoiced over discovering just weeks ago.... wasn't there.

Just an empty sack she said. A blighted ovum. The ultrasound showed a placenta but no baby. I know things could be worse. I know this isn't quite as bad as a real miscarriage, I realize that she is fortunate to know that she can get pregnant, when so many women can't.

But I can't help but thinking that it just isn't fair. If you know my sister, you know how strong she is, how hard-working, how she always chooses to do the right thing, even when it's hard, even when she's tired. If you know her you've probably seen her compassion for others, not just in the things she does, but in her attitude, how she accepts and forgives. You would know about her loyalty, and how she is so passionate about what she believes. She is not jealous when someone has what she doesn't. Not even what they have what she wants the most. When I look at my sister, I don't feel competitive, I feel relieved. Relieved because I know there is no way I could compete.

I didn't feel like I had to prove anything growing up, because Sarah proved it all. I didn't go to medical school, because there was no way I would graduate in the top five of my class, and if she'd already done it, why should I bother? She's worked hard at her job for almost a decade, paying bills for the family, taking care of the family house, helping me when she could, giving her time and money to her church and to those in need. I on the other hand have been a student for years, slacking off, missing class, working at my little part-time jobs and complaining the whole time.

When it was time for her to settle down, she went on a first date with every eligible Christian guy in the United States. But there was never a fit. It wasn't until after years of heartbreak and wasting her time with these losers that she finally met her wonderful husband. The story is almost the opposite of my carefree college love story. I always say that my meeting Greg was like walking into a casino and putting a quarter into a slot machine, and winning the jackpot. There was no work, there was no long-term heartbreak. Just a short break-up for 6 months that ultimately helped us decide to get married.

And now... her struggle to get pregnant does not surprise me. In some ways she seems designed to struggle. She is so determined to achieve, to overcome. Every negative pregnancy test is a failure to her. And this obstacle is different. It's not a grade to earn or a position to achieve. We have no control over who lives, what life is started. Of all the things in the world, it's the most random, the most unpredictable. Think of all those women going to clinics, paying for birth control, all the crack-addicted prostitutes, all the little teenagers, all the third-world women who can't afford birth control. And babies, babies, unwanted babies. But no baby for Sarah.

As I change Henry today, as I feed him and as I watch him do new things, I will be grateful. I will thank God for blessing me with him. I will thank Him for how easy it's been, how easy it's all been. But I will also question Him. I will look inside and ask for more faith. Because sometimes it feels like life is just not fair.

Note: If you are somehow reading this blog and know me, and you didn't know that my sister was even pregnant, please don't go consoling her and making her think that the whole world knows about it. She told very few people and wouldn't want anyone else to know. In other worlds I would be in trouble for posting this, but I'm doing so because the only people who read my blog already know about it (so I hope).

Public Breastfeeding

As some of you may know, I stopped breastfeeding Henry almost a month ago. I loved the experience of breastfeeding and had originally intended to continue for a year at least. Unfortunately I was one of those rare women who actually had a supply problem, not to mention the difficulty of pumping on a schedule with a two-hour train commute to school. I'm hoping that the next time it will work out better.

Even though I'm no longer feeding with the breast, the topic is still interesting to me, especially since it seems to be so heated among moms. Whether to do it or not, how long to do it, and now where to do it all of a sudden seem to be these huge controversies.

Here is a post I read today and my response, which hasn't been published yet.

This is a post for Christian mothers or parents. Ever since I had a child I have become more aware of what has been going on in the "motherhood" community. I've learned a lot of wonderful things concerning cloth diapering, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, homeschooling, and many other things. However, I've also come across a lot of different things that sort of incense me. Perhaps you have noticed as well and agree with me. Perhaps you don't agree with me. But I've been thinking a lot lately on a specific subject and since I am able to speak my mind on my blog, I'm going to. I want to talk about nursing in public. It is such a hot topic now days because of the controversy. I believe breastfeeding is the best way to nourish your child. I believe God created our bodies so that we could take care of our children the best way we can. I am all for spreading awareness and all for it becoming more accepted. I am not, however, all for women doing so in public with no discretion whatsoever. This to me is not an issue of Rights. It is an issue of Modesty, and an issue of God's Standards. When I recently shared my views about nursing in public discretely, I was told that just because I was comfortable nursing "modestly" did not mean everyone else had to. I was told that my "standard" of modesty was not the same as others and should not be held to others. I was absolutely flabbergasted, because I had stated that as a Christian, I could not justify nursing in public and being immodest in so doing. It isn't My standard. It's God's standard. My standard of modesty means nothing if it isn't aligned with God's standards. God's standards are perfect and all are subject to them. I know that this is sometimes debated, whether those who aren't Christians are held to the same standards, but consider the book of Jonah. Jonah was sent by God to Nineveh to preach to them and call them to repent or God would destroy the nation. This nation was not a nation which followed God. They worshiped their own gods and all in all they were extremely immoral. And yet God held them to His standards, even if they did not worship Him. Just because they worshiped some other gods did not make them immune to the God of Heaven's standards. God's standards encompass all. 2 Corinthians 5:10 says we will ALL stand at the judgment seat of Christ. "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad." Consider this passage concerning God's standards for us women: To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:5 We are to be discreet, which means to show good judgment, and chaste, which means to be morally pure in thought and act - also meaning modest. While I do support breastfeeding and stand behind any woman who chooses to nourish her child in this way, I do believe that God's standards even encompass nursing mothers and we should all make sure we are doing so in a manner that is pleasing to God. So many people also say that it is impossible to modestly nurse a child in public, but I disagree. I nursed Benjamin for a little over 12 months (he's just been weened this week - which is very emotional for me so I'm not going to talk about that) and I have never flashed anyone while doing so! And Benjamin is even one of those children who won't keep a blanket over him. It's possible, with practice. Next time you start getting worked up about your "rights" as a nursing mother, think about God's standards and whether or not your "rights" fall under His standards. As I usually say when posting a 'spiritual post', you might not agree with me. But this is what I believe.

My response:

I agree that modesty is something that God desires for men and women. I think the problem that some might have with this is that modesty has been and always will be defined by culture. In this case, when you talk about God's standards what you are really saying is our society's cultural standards for what is modest. Even today in the US there are subcultures of society where modesty can mean keeping your wrists covered, covering your hair, not wearing pants (for women), or just wearing a one-piece swimsuit to the beach. In some parts of the world it would be immodest to have any part of your legs exposed, but being totally topless is considered normal.

Personally I was never comfortable enough to breastfeed in public and was even uncomfortable when people visited me during feedings in the hospital! That said, I think that if some women feel comfortable breastfeeding in public, even without a blanket over the child's head, then it doesn't necessarily imply that they are rebelling against God's command to be modest. Perhaps these women even want to change the societal standard for modesty so that their public breastfeeding is accepted and eventually ignored. I guess I just don't see why this is a spiritual issue.

There are many issues debated today that I think God has given us clear commands about, I just don't think this is one of them. If you believe God wants you to cover up, then certainly cover up! But we have to be careful about judging the motives of other women, especially when generalizing. For example, I came to a place where I knew the Lord wanted me to stop taking the pill. I don't think birth control is wrong at all, I was on it for the first year and a half of my marriage, and I don't have any problem with anyone else who chooses to be on it. However I knew for sure that the Lord wanted me to stop, and because I obeyed that command I now have a beautiful son.

I think sin is more than just a laundry list of rules we extract from the Bible. It is also about listening and obeying the Holy Spirit and following God's will for our lives. I constantly have to remind myself that His will for me is not always the same as His will for another woman.

One of those days...

Do you ever just have one of those days... you know what I mean.

Not a day where things aren't going your way. Just a day when you can't help but focus on all that big and little stuff that's been around for a while but you usually ignore.

Today I feel... indebted, overweight, lazy, unsure about the future. I'm regretting not saving more money, not staying in shape, I might even be regretting going to law school. That's a tough feeling to have when you have to pay attention through 41/2 hours of class.

Luckily I'm on a break between classes, and I just called my hubby. Over the sound of the baby crying in the background, he reassured me about our student loans.

Inflation.

Present value.

Strength of the Dollar.

Oh sweet nothings.... keep on whispering.

Trying out iPhoto

Still not great, but way better than the almost black that they were. I want to try some real software soon, but figured I use what we have to try and fix some badly lit pictures of one cute babe!