Sunday, December 20, 2009

Feels like cabin fever

We're all snowed in here, so I finally have the chance to sit down and put up some cute pictures of Henry. Greg's mom and sister were visiting, and were supposed to leave yesterday and today, respectively, but are instead stranded here at least until tomorrow. Greg is really sick with a cold or something, so I'm escaping to our room to read blogs!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Perfect Excuse

I recommend that every one get a C-section at least once a year. It's the closest thing to a perfect excuse you can get, except maybe, "I died". Which you can't really use as an excuse. That falls more into the reason category. What better answer can you give when someone asks why you didn't do what you were supposed to do?

"Did you get my important email?"

"No, sorry, I was in the hospital."

"Did you listen to those lectures online?"

"Oh, I didn't get a chance, sorry, I was paralyzed from the armpits down."

"You're all caught up on the reading, right?"

"Actually, I couldn't even go to the bathroom by myself, but I'll get right on it now."

It's the perfect excuse, or so I thought. But unfortunately, I go to lawschool. So when I pulled out my perfect excuse, all I got was:

"You mean they don't have wireless at the hospital?"

Sheesh.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Hot Daddy


This past week has, as you can imagine, changed my perspective in a lot of ways. But there is one new feeling I didn't expect.

When I first got to know my husband in college, I thought he was adorable. I was also attracted to the things about him that might have been less obvious to the world. His nerdy sense of humor, his good-natured social skills, and his very open and willing heart for the Lord. Through the glasses, math major, awkwardly going out on a limb to connect attitude, and ready understanding of Star Wars jokes, I saw a man that I knew I could live with. As time went on, he became the man I couldn't live without.

That said, I never knew how truly, incredibly, hot my husband was until this week. An emergency C-section left me unable to do as much for the baby as I had anticipated, and Greg stepped right up and took over diaper changing, swaddling, washing and soothing Henry when I couldn't. He also helped me get into the shower, got me food when I was hungry, and managed to entertain the hoards of visitors so that I could rest.

Then just last night I heard the baby cry in his crib. I rushed in because it wasn't the usual time for him to be up, and something didn't seem right. I found my little guy with spit-up coming from his mouth and nose. He was struggling to cry and choking. Greg was right behind me and grabbed him and told me where to find the sucky syringe thingy. I ran as fast as my post-op body would allow and frantically searched. I finally found one and raced back to the nursery. When I got to the door, I saw what at first seemed like Greg giving Henry little kisses on his face. Then I realized, he was sucking the vomit out of his airways and spitting it out into a baby wipe.

Now I'm pretty sure most women would not put vomit-sucking at the top of the list for turn-ons. Maybe it's just because I'm so crazy about this baby, or maybe it's because Greg seems like such a rare bird in a society that seems full of dead-beats.

But all I know is, there is nothing sexier than a good daddy.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Saturday, November 7, 2009

A Rose....

Why can't I settle on a name? I guess it doesn't matter really in the end, but I don't have much else to think about at this point...

My biggest fear is that I'll have to have a C-section or will just have such a bad delivery that I'll be really out of it and Greg will end up filling out the birth certificate while I'm in a drugged-up stupor. It wouldn't be so scary if his top name wasn't Rex...

I'm pretty much torn between Henry and James. Very boring by most people's standards but you know. If Henry then Hank, which I like, if James then... Jimmy? Jimbo? Bo? That I like. Nicknames that suggest we live in a trailer park.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I knew it.

How did I know that this one wouldn't come until after his due date?

I don't know, I guess I just had a feeling...

This last month has been crazy busy. I stopped doing research for the professor I was working for, which freed up a little time to do everything else. We had our 4th and final baby shower, at which we were given absolutely everything a baby could need or want.

We also had a Halloween party, which was a lot of fun. Greg dressed as Crocodile Dundee and I made a kangaroo costume complete with baby kangaroo head coming out of my pouch. No need for a body, of course.

I've been frantically cleaning, doing homework, washing baby stuff, etc. And now, waiting. I've read all the books cover to cover, organized the closet, done my reading for class for the next couple of weeks, narrowed down the names to just a couple. All I need now is the baby!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Starting to Panic - Very Random Post

Less than 6 weeks to go, and panic is starting to set in!

I had some contractions on Monday. We went to the Dr.'s and got hooked up to a monitor that confirmed it. Not in labor, not painful, just tightening up every 3 minutes. Now I feel better as long as I don't do anything strenuous. (Right now strenuous for me is walking up stairs, lifting my backpack, putting my shoes on, etc.)

Greg and I feel like we're finally ok with a name, although I'm not going to say for sure just in case everyone gets things monogrammed and then we change our minds.

My friend Sarah threw me a surprise shower last weekend, which was sweet, but also made me realize how different I am from my friends at law school.

Right now I'm desperately trying to finish unpacking and cleaning the house before next weekend, when I have my final shower and my mother in law comes to stay for the weekend. Talk about stress! It's especially frustrating because I'm dying to really clean everything (like, get down and scrub the floors clean), but I keep contracting when I do anything.

The funny thing is, law school is so fun for me right now. Having a lighter schedule and being in such basic classes has made it so much better. I also think being far away from it all most of the time makes me appreciate the school more.

I am washing Babybyrd's clothes, blankets, and towels in baby detergent tonight. Some people suggested waiting to try and take back clothes or exchange them for different sizes, but I think we'll be ok. I'm fine with having lots of little clothes for him to mess up, and waiting is just driving me nuts.

I've got the hospital bag almost packed I think. I've got to make curtains for the baby's/guest room before Greg's mom comes next weekend. Then I have to catch up on work and school so I'm not totally stressed.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Another hurried post

We went down to GA for the baby shower that Greg's family threw. It was pretty great but totally exhausting, neither of us slept the whole trip. Anyone in Greg's family that lived anywhere near the region drove to the shower, from both his Dad and Mom's side of the family (amazing since they are divorced). Not only did they show up, but they all got along really well and had a great time. His male cousins were so into the shower games, it was hilarious!

We started school right when we got back. My classes are awesome so far, although Thursday is tough, I take the 8am train to school and take the 9:26pm home. I generally like the train but am really annoyed by the one conductor who freaks out about me putting my feet up on the train. Hello! I'm almost eight months pregnant and had to sit through 6 straight hours of class today with my feet bursting out of my sneakers! Plus I'm pretty sure there are way more swine flu germs on the seat than on my shoes. When I go to the doctor next week I'm going to see if he'll write me a note so I can whip it out on the train!

We moved (successfully?) into our little Ocean Grove cottage. I'm trying to feel better about the move, but right now I sort of just want to close the door on the mess and go to school to escape. Here's where the bad feelings are coming from: landlords are friends who I can't really be assertive with, they told us we could paint, then said it was a misunderstanding after we spent $200 at Home Depot, the first day there was a gas leak, the air conditioning didn't work, the ancient stove caused the place to fail inspection but they paid to have it fixed (prolly about $100) instead of just getting a new stove ($300), the drains don't drain, the toilet seat was so gross I had to buy a new one, the water never totally comes out of the shower (there is always half the flow coming out of the tub faucet), there are ants all over the kitchen, it took me hours to clean the scum off of the cabinets, the pulls are still coated in grossness but I can't replace them because they don't make pulls that size anymore, the cabinets hold even less than I initially thought because there are random ducts in them, the yard is just dirt with no grass, the construction people left a bunch of debris in the yard that is too heavy for me to take to the curb by myself, the washer smells funky and the dryer is disconnected, and finally, the whole place was covered in construction dust and the kitchen, bathroom and laundry floors were so dirty that even after mopping them three times I can't walk across the floor without my feet turning black!

Breath....

And despite all this, the price and the location are right.
And it is the home where we will bring home Babybyrd.
And we'll have his first Christmas there.

I think once our stuff is put away I'll feel more at home. Right now law school feels more comfortable than the house :( This is a sad state of affairs.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Busy, Busy, Busy

Since I last blogged we moved into my parents' house for a month. Our apartment lease was up and the cottage we are moving into isn't finished being renovated, so we are here for August. I am still working, from home. This is tricky because I'm not naturally organized and with limited space I tend to feel kind of overwhelmed. We took the MPRE, which for those that don't know is the ethics part of the NY bar. Hopefully I passed, although who knew it was against the professional code of conduct to bribe a judge? We had a small family shower this last weekend, mainly for the purpose of not having to invite the family to the big friends shower in October. My mom's family didn't show up, which upset her and delighted everyone else. It was very nice but I was soooo tired afterwards. In another week we leave for GA, which I'm so excited for, but also stressed about getting ready. My job is great in that I love it, but I have trouble staying on schedule since I'm working from home.

Time has been flying!
I'm glad but also so afraid that I won't be able to get everything done that I need to do. I sometimes have what I call Juggler syndrome. I will have a few balls in the air, and I'll be doing ok. Then something else will be thrown in, and all of a sudden I just drop everything. I can't do anything because I'm so worried about everything all at once. The trick at that point is to know my limit and willingly choose to ignore some of the balls on the floor while I take care of the priorities. The other problem is that a lot of times the squeaky wheel gets the grease. In other words, I prioritize the balls that complain the most. This becomes a problem because in general, God does not demand my time from me by knocking on my door, calling or texting, or emailing me.

So here goes. These are the balls that I absolutely have to concentrate on right now:

1) I MUST pray! I'm about to go through major life changes, make huge decisions, become a mom. There is no way I can drop this ball. I've got to prioritize the Lord during this time if I want my life to mean anything. For me this means not only do I need to pray and read the Bible, I have to make a time a place to do this everyday. I need a time when I put down all the other balls and just get to know God better. I need to tithe joyfully, even though I am stressed about paying off my credit cards. I need to take the time to read those Christian parenting books, even though I'm sick of reading for work. Basically, if I want to keep anything else in the air, I need divine strength to do it, there's no chance I'll make it on my own!

2) I have to do a good job at work. Right now I spend a lot of time stressing about work, but not enough taking care of business. My boss has been very patient because she knows how busy I am, but I want to really show her that I can do a great job, and be a good witness to her.

3) I need to remember my friends! I never have a problem spending time with my family, because they are always there and it is very easy to make time for them. However, I am a notoriously bad friend. (I remember birthdays two days after they occur, I check facebook all the time, and then forget to check at all for two weeks, I make plans and then get absorbed in keeping up another ball, I let my cell phone go dead for a day and then forget to listen to my voicemails) Examples: I made plans with JO'D to go to Panera last week, then started to panic about taking the MPRE the next day, studied all night, then remembered the next day that I was supposed to go have fun. By then my phone was dead. Another friend from high school is getting married (I had no idea) and called last week to get my address for the wedding. I had no idea until Greg checked my voicemail for me. Two of my best friends from college helped us move from Newark to my parents' house. They worked all day in the heat, Drew moving furniture, Deb scrubbing my bathroom, etc. I haven't called them since that day to invite them to the beach. I think the act of letting go of some other balls will help with this one. If I can manage to do my work on time and not stress about it all the time, I should be more relaxed so that I can spend time with my friends and not feel guilty about it.

4) Take care of the body for Babybyrd's sake. This should be a no-brainer, but I frequently forget to eat, take vitamins, and drink enough water. When I get dehydrated, I start to get cramps/contractions. This happens way more often then it should. I also need to get to bed on time, even if there are things to do.

These are the balls that are going to have to stay on the floor for a little while: Excessive worrying about our trip to GA next week, school starting, the renovations at our little cottage, moving in Sept., Christmas shopping, Greg getting a job when we graduate, Babybyrd becoming a drug addict, running out of money, my sister getting pregnant, my parents' retirement funds, my friends and family never knowing God personally, C-sections, episiotomies, breastfeeding, making baby food, pottytraining, homeschooling, random horrible accidents, whether or not I passed the MPRE, how I did in my summer classes, and whether I will pay off my credit cards before the baby gets here.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Too Busy for Real Post

But just so I remember...

1) Went to the hospital Friday with contractions, drank water and they went away.
2) Nurse told us we should go to a nicer hospital because we a) have insurance, and b) are white.
3) Discharged from the hospital to find out the owners of our building want us to move out by July 31. Were planning on moving out Aug. 31.
4) Found out the place we will move into will not be ready until mid Aug. at the earliest.
5) Cry.
6) Parents tell us to move in for a month. Not persuaded by the one room/bathroom accommodations. Persuaded by the possibility of saving $1315 in rent.
7) Frantically tried to make up for time spend on 5) by working late on project for work.
8) Lost sleep and felt nauseous.
9) Despite 8), still went to midnight showing of Harry Potter.
10) Drove around Newark and Elizabeth asking liquor stores for empty boxes.
11) Did not get shot, did get stared at.
12) Finally got motherload of boxes from IKEA.
13) Packed up things we don't use.
14) Packed up more things we don't use.
15) Packed up some things that I didn't even think we had.
16) Felt the need to simplify.
17) Went online and saw that my take-home exam is already up.
18) Asked boss for time to study/work on exam.
19) Received heart warming speech about the importance of academics and the need to prioritize.
20) Was asked to do more work.
21) Will, instead of doing work or studying/taking at-home exam, pack up some things we don't use.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Crib Shopping!

Today I'm going with my Mom and Sister to BabiesRUs to look at baby furniture. I'm psyched but also a little worried. It takes me forever to shop for something big and I usually go back and forth between the choices and weigh all the pros and cons.* My mom and my sister and generally much more impulsive shoppers and my mom especially hates to walk around stores. So hopefully everything will become clear and we'll find the perfect stuff right away. I am sort of leaning towards a black crib, but it's one of those things where I'm not sure I'll still be into it later.


* Exception: Wedding dress. Tried on 3 and bought the third one.

Father's Day

Borrowed from Christine at Smiles and Trials

My Child ~
You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad, Almighty God

I know these things, but somehow forget quite often.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Boy Nursery Ideas

I made a registry at BabiesRUs, which was probably one of the funnest things ever! I've just been fantasizing about that nursery ever since I saw BabyByrd's boy parts! My three main ideas were:

1) Sock Monkeys! - specifically, dark wood furniture, red and cream walls, and cute sock monkey bedding. Very retro feeling. Another pro: it matches the brown/red carseat, highchair, packinplay, and stroller I registered for. My down side was that all the baby stuff that is required would just clash and look really weird. There's no way I could be that clean and organized to hide all of those rainbow-colored bouncy seats and exersaucers. Also this bedding is a little out of my price range, and the fabric is also pricy, even if I had the time to sew my own bedding. Additionally, someone informed me that "sock monkey" is a racial slur. Were they just pulling my leg?


2) Blue and Orange/Goldfish in Bags - I got this idea from a blanket I bought on etsy. It has that Heather Ross fabric with the little bags of goldfish. From there I thought I could just do a very light, clean blue and a sort of rusty but not too bright orange. This was Greg's favorite idea. He said fish are macho! My problem: too much of a committment. I never liked orange, so even though this is really cute, I'd probably have to live with at least one orange wall for longer than I'd want to.


3) Barn Dance - This is not so much an idea, as me just being too lazy/uncreative to come up with a unique theme and instead to register for a crib set and accessories like everyone else. However, the set is really cute and different. It's not pastel or super-babyish. And I think I could do a lot with the farm/barn theme for a little boy's room too. Also, it's not so monochromatic that it would look terrible when littered with atrociously colored toys. But also not so cheesy that it couldn't be classy when cleaned up. The down side: Someone else might have it!


** Update: **
We eventually went with the sock monkeys! My Dad painted the nursery walls a deep red on top, and wide tan and cream stripes on the bottom and added white chair rail to match the rest of the trim. I registered for bright red sheets and changing pad covers.

I found this adorable sock monkey fabric for a reasonable price on ebay, and stitched up some valances and a bumper, with a coordinating dust ruffle. I'm planning on making a matching blanket for Henry as soon as I can find the time!

I also found some little knock-off paintings similar to the ones in the picture above on ebay, and will hang them soon. For the guest bed I bought dark brown bamboo sheets, a plain white quilt and shams, and a brown and red throw pillows at Target. The light bed really brightens up an otherwise dark room.

It's a Boy!!!

It's not that I haven't had anything to blog about lately, it's that I've been so busy that everytime I sit down with the intention of blogging it's just too overwhelming and I don't know where to start!

First of all, I finished classes and started my summer job. I am sooo grateful for this job! I'm working for a professor and doing research. She comes in once a week at the most, and the rest of the time I am on my own, setting my own hours, goals, etc. I can work from home practically whenever I want. This kind of job is really hard to come by for a law student, as evidenced by my job last summer, where I worked 14 hours my first day!

My husband is also doing great. He is working at a firm writing an amicus brief about a medical ethics issue. He is almost finished and then will join me at school doing research for another professor.

Money is tight this summer, but I just made a budget/plan that should get us through. The hardest part is that I really want to buy baby things, but so far I've been really good about holding back.

We had the BIG ultrasound this Monday. The tech was a little crabby/didn't want to talk, so it wasn't quite as fun as I'd hoped, but I still got to see BabyByrd for like 25 minutes! It's strange, but I feel like it's sort of hard for me to believe that he is really there unless I can see him on the ultrasound. Although that might change now that I'm starting to feel kicks! Anyway, the tech said her guess was boy, but while she was measuring other things both Greg and I got a good view and it seemed pretty obvious. :)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Vacation!

Yay! I'm done being a 2L! Greg and I are spending our week off relaxing in Willow Valley! We decided to go for comfort and skip the 8+ hour drive to Niagra. Instead we're relaxing by the pool, eating at the smorgasbord, and shopping at the outlets. We got a great deal on the room too since it's off-season and mid-week. This weekend my sister and her husband are going to Illinois to visit our friend Crystal, so Greg and I will stay at her apartment in Ocean Grove for Memorial Day weekend.

Monday we had our doctor's appointment and had a quick ultrasound. I was a little bit disappointed because I had been looking forward to the ultrasound for so long. I was sort of using the ultrasound as a carrot to get through my finals. The last one that we got at Greg's Dad's house was so good and clear, you could see everything. This one was very fuzzy and we still couldn't tell the gender. Also it was very short and the screen was sort of turned away from me. It was frustrating that it was so short, just because I was looking forward to it so much.

Despite the fact that we coudn't see the gender, I did buy a few baby things today, including some boy clothes. I kept the receipts, I figure if the next ultrasound shows us a little girl, we can always exchange the stuff at the Jersey Gardens outlet :)

Aside from how ecstatic I am over the vacation and shopping for adorable tiny baby clothes, I'm also super excited because I just heard some other great news. One of my best friends from college who was the best man at my wedding, and another really close friend who was a bridesmaid in my wedding have been spending a lot of time together. Saturday night at my birthday party they both ended up staying late to catch up. They left together and the next day they called us to say they are now dating! These are two of my favorite people in the world, and now they are together. I am so happy!

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Starting Second Trimester...

I should be squarely in the second trimester now. I tried to stop taking Zofran (the miracle pill that stops you from feeling nauseous) yesterday, and it wasn't pretty. I thought morning sickness was a first trimester thing!

Oh well, hopefully I'll be back to my good ole food scarfin' self soon. This no appetite thing is really getting old. I just want to go out to eat!

In other news, I have two finals left before my week of freedom. Evidence is at noon on Tuesday, and ERISA (a class about pensions) is at noon on Friday. After that Greg and I are hoping that we can scrape up enough dough to go up to Niagra Falls. I've never seen the Falls and I've always wanted to, and I sort of feel like this might be our last chance to take a trip (easily) for a while.

But before the vacation, I've got to pass these finals! I'm seriously lacking in motivation right now. My first final took a lot of energy. Yesterday I basically just slept all day to recover. Somehow I don't think watching old episodes of the practice on Hulu.com is going to cut it for studying for Evidence.


Happy Birthday Trouwbottom! I hope I get enough done that I can come down tonight!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Long Update

Sorry about the lame amount of posting lately. I guess I feel like I'm in a complaining rut right now and I'd really rather not funk up my blog with too much negativity.

Some good news: I did not take any Zofran today and I was still not nauseous! Could it be over? I can only dream.

Some bad news: My stomach has decided to stop functioning. Seriously. Nothing works. So 8 tablespoons of milk of magnesia and some prune juice later, I have still yet to go in 3 days. The last time was not cool either. It involved my entire family discussing my colon while I lay on my sister's bathroom floor waiting for my husband to get back with the enema. I really thought I was going to die. And it confirmed my suspicion that I am an epidural girl.

I wish I could think more about the positive things, about the baby. Right now I feel like I have so many stressful things going on, I just wish that I could fantasize about all the fun things more. It is still very hard to believe that I am going to be a mom.

Random News: I read online today about a gender test called Intelligender. It seems kind of like a crock to me, but there were people online who had used it and it was accurate. I don't know, on one hand I'm dying to find out, but not enough to pay $35. Reasonable, right?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bad Day

Have you ever had one of those days?

I had one of those days today.

I had so much to do, and I planned so carefully so that I would be able to get it all done.

And I failed on almost every task.

But I did load the dishwasher.

So....

All in all, success.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Feelin' Yucky.

Bleh. I am not on my way to evidence class like I should be. I woke up today 20 minutes late with the alarm in my hand. I must have turned it off in my sleep. On Sunday I thought I was feeling better and decided to try some chinese food. Bad. Idea. I started throwing up and didn't stop until last night. At one point I was throwing up so much so fast that I couldn't breath. My face was bright red and when I finally stopped and looked in the mirror, I had a bunch of tiny red spots all around my eyes. I'm thinking I might have broken capillaries? Also my eye was itchy last night, so I took out my contacts, today I'm pretty sure I have an eye infection. Since this week is obviously not going to be a power week, here is what I absolutely must get done:

1) Finish Ap Ad Brief and turn in today at 4. Explain to teacher why I haven't been to class in a week.

2) Finish bluebooking journal note by Friday night.

3) Do other journal assignment by Thursday night.

4) Get form to be RA this summer, fill out and give to Kaye by Wed.

5) Get application for IRS externship, fill out and give to Kaye by Wed.

6) Optional: read corporate tax for this week.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Prayer Request

I may have mentioned before that a friend of mine is battling leukemia. He was first diagnosed in 2004 and was in remission, but now he is sick again and the only option is to have a bone marrow transplant. You can read about his particular type of leukemia on his website. There is also a button to donate to a fund that will be used to help screen for bone marrow donors and for the bone marrow transplant.

If you are able to give, please consider it. This is definitely a good cause. But even if you unable to give, please pray for Dan. He is engaged to be married, just graduated law school last year, and this is just such an obstacle, as you may well imagine. He could definitely use your prayers.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

We've made the switch...

to Netflix, that is. For anyone who is unfamiliar with the two main rivals of intermail movie delivery, here is how they work:

Blockbuster online - You pay about $20/month for three movies at a time, and get 5 "in-store" exchanges. That means that 5 times a month, instead of returning your dvd by popping it into the mail, you bring it to the store and exchange it for a movie in the store. It's still like returning the movie by mail, except they acknowledge receipt as soon as the clerk checks it in, saving you a day.

The benefit to this was mostly that we had an excuse to leave our home to exchange and then return movies. (An underestimated perk for law students). This was also good for us, because $20/month would be less than the $50/month it would cost to have basic cable. We mostly rented TV shows anyway. Getting movies at the store was not so great, because the store makes it a point to only stock the absolute worst movies ever made.

Netflix - has the same mail delivery dvd system, except that it is cheaper, has better movies available, does not lie and say that it has a movie and then not deliver it to you for a year, does not send you broken dvds several times in a row, and has an easy-to-find number to call. Oh, and you can download some movies onto your computer for no extra charge!

So what was the last straw that made us switch? BB changed its in-store exchange policy, without telling us in any way, so that now when you return a movie to the store and take out new movies, you have to drive back to the store and return those movies before they will send you new ones!

Needless to say, once we realized what was going on, Dreamboat sent them a short email canceling our service. I think he signed off with "See you in bankruptcy court."

Sometimes I don't know why I didn't go into business.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

If money were no object....

I would be able to pay for a bone marrow transplant for Dan, a friend who graduated from law school last year. He was our next door neighbor. It's going to cost over 550 thousand!

I would arrange to move into a cute little house in August, instead of scouring craigslist for a 3 bedroom in our price range.

I would buy babybyrdie a nice crib.

I would hire a maid to do the laundry while I lay on the couch and read blogs.

Sigh.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

We're Having........

Drumroll......................................




A blob!

Poor babybyrdie was too blurry to get a measurement. But the Dr. thinks that he might be a little younger and the due date might be a little later than October 22, like we thought initially. This makes my Mom excited (what doesn't make her excited these days?) because the baby just might be born on her birthday.

Oh well, at least we know one thing - there was only one baby in there!

Monday, March 16, 2009

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Sneaking in my not-me post in the last hour:


I did not secretly fantasize about having twins today. I realize one baby will be hard enough to handle, even if it meant I could legitimately buy adorable matching brother-sister twin outfits.

I did not realize this weekend that I could no longer take off my wedding and engagement rings. I furthermore did not get sad to think that they might never really fit again. Getting your wedding band resized is not a moral failing worthy of shame and grief.

I did not buy two pairs of maternity jeans online. I shouldn't even be thinking about spending money on maternity clothes at this point.

I did not wear said maternity jeans to class because I liked the stretchy waistband, it's way too early to be showing, and there is no justification for that.

I did not long to tell everyone in the world that I'm pregnant. That would be silly since it's so early and we haven't even been to the doctor yet.


Since this post is about my embarrassing confessions this week, I've also been thinking about some of the awesome things my husband has done for me lately. Here is just a short list of little things he has done to be loving:

1) He went shopping at the outlets to look at baby clothes with me, even though he hates shopping and had a huge paper to write.

2) He doesn't get annoyed that my upset tummy makes me less cuddly than usual.

3) He's been getting me food when I lay on the couch in a pregnant stupor.

4) He walked to school in the cold tonight to meet me as I got out of class and to carry my bookbag. I said "Thank you for carrying my books", and he said "Thank you for carrying my baby".

What a sweetie.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Vacation!

Just one more class on Friday stands between me and family vacation! Unfortunately, the class is Evidence and it is my group's turn to explain the cases.

Friday is also the day of the Newark St. Patrick's Day Parade (because of the booming Irish population in Newark), which means that we have to get our car out before the parade starts or we'll never get to leave.

But I have a game plan in mind. Bags packed and in the car, Greg waiting for me outside the school. I will do a fabulous job in class and then race outside to freedom!

Smorgasboard, here I come!


Outlet mall, here I come!


Hot tub, I might dip my feet in you since pregnant people can't go in!

Monday, March 9, 2009

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not fail to do any homework over spring break. I had a whole week off and I would never pass up an opportunity to catch up with all of my classes.

I did not ogle overpriced baby items online in lieu of doing said homework.

I did not go into two different Marshall's to drool over teeny tiny designer outfits at rock bottom prices. I don't even know the gender yet, so it would be silly to think about clothes.

I did not procrastinate finishing my journal note until the last minute and end up turning it in 3 hours late (at 3am). I also did not watch episodes of season 2 of Alias on dvd and High School Musical 3 the same day my note was due.

I did not buy a Sunday paper and cut out 10 thousand coupons with the intention of being a coupon wizard, then go home because I was too exhausted to go grocery shopping.

I did NOT have a dream about having twins. Oh dear.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Prayer Request

If anyone reads this blog, will you please pray for my friend Trouwbottom's little niece. She is very sick and we don't know what's wrong yet. You can read about it here.

Thank you!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Yaaaaay!

So my final* draft of my note is done and submitted! Now I can tell my secret. I'm PREGNANT!
I know. I'm in law school. I know. I live in an apartment in Newark. I know. I am completely unprepared to have this baby.

And I know that this was not exactly a part of my life plan, at least right now. But I guess sometimes God has bigger and better plans than we do. So I am just going to do my best to trust that God will provide for us. We obviously have to move, I am trusting the Lord to provide a place for us to live. We will have to get good paying jobs this summer, even though the only ones available are unpaid internships. I know God will take care of us. I will have to figure out how to manage school and family. This one might just be the toughest, but I know that with the Lord's help, I can do this!

I'm so excited right now, it's going to be hard to focus on getting through this semester. One more week until we go to the doctor! We should be able to hear the heartbeat on the ultrasound by then - how wild is that?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Mickey or Mac?

I would love to write an interesting, entertaining blog entry with colorful pictures and amusing sarcasm. Unfortunately, I'm completing my note for the Legislative Journal, which, no matter how I try to spin it, is not funny. If anyone needs me I will be on my couch for the next two days alternatively editing footnotes and sobbing in anguish.

I am resisting the urge to check out Disney vacations, because we are spending our tax refund on a new computer since we have managed to wear out our new laptops with a year and a half of frantic typing. Another casualty of the hell that is law school. I find it very ironic that a five-day vacation to Florida during spring break costs 5 dollars less than the laptop my husband wants to buy.

Oh well, at least I won't be the chump in my Evidence final with fading tan lines whose computer is crashing....

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Letter to the Burglar

Dear Burglar,

I'm so glad you could stop by last night! I'm sorry I was asleep, thanks for being so careful not to wake me up. I see you found the GPS system I left for you. I hope you enjoy it. Sorry that I forgot to leave my doors unlocked, I hope you didn't have any trouble finding a blunt object with which to break the window. Did you notice the safety glass - no sharp edges! It really is a miracle of modern science. Come back and visit anytime!

Love,

THE MRS.













Friday, February 20, 2009

Diet Update

So, I think I might have mentioned that I am trying to take off some of this law school weight. This diet feels a lot different than efforts I've made in the past; because it's one of the first times I've tried to lose weight for my health and to feel better rather than just to look better, fit into smaller clothes, etc. I'm trying to start slow so I don't burn out too quickly.

I have a friend who I went to high school with who recently lost lots of weight just counting calories and adding some exercise. So I found this website: http://www.fitday.com , which helps you keep track of what you're eating, calories, fat, even different essential vitamins. I've been shooting for 1,200 a day, with leeway for unexpected temptations I usually end up somewhere between 1,300 and 1,400. I honestly haven't been hungry with this amount, because making the list lets you evaluate what you're going to eat for the day and make better tradeoffs. Some things are just not worth it when you see the stats.

I really like to eat more at night, which is worse for weight loss purposes, but again, I have to be realistic or I'll never be able to stick to this. One thing that helps is the Costco brand slimfast shake thingies for breakfast. If you're not used to them they might taste a little weird, but I lived on these things when I was a vegetarian, so they are familiar and comforting to me. I usually don't have much of an appetite for breakfast, so the shakes are great because they don't upset my tummy, and I'm not ravenous after my first class. I drank the actual slimfast brand shakes back when I was skipping meat, but they changed their formula to be low-carb now and they just don't fill me up the same way. Also the Costco shakes are like 50cents a can on sale. Not bad for a meal replacement!

The exercise prong of my attack is also going well. I've been trying to do one workout video a night. Not every workout video is equal. I have Denise Austin's Cardio Kickboxing for when I really want to sweat. Then there is Sweatin' to the Oldies for some lower impact cardio dance. Cindy Crawford's workout video is really marketed more towards men, picture saucy workout music and Cindy working out on a beach with her hair down and wearing a one-piece swimsuit. However, the arms and abs part is pretty good, so this makes it into the rotation. Then there is the legs, abs, and buns of steel trifecta. These are awesome: short, effective, and starring hilariously outdated workout gurus. The abs of steel will start becoming a staple soon, but I need a little time before attempting the buns and legs, that is if I want to be able to walk to school the next day. My gaim yoga video is also useful sometimes. I do it most often when my back is really bothering me. Despite the ludicrous hippie jargon (e.g. "Soften your organs", and "press your feet deep into the earth."), this video is great for your posture (mine sucks), although it does make me kind of depressed that I have the flexibility of an 80-year-old actuary. Also in the library but barely legitimate is Carmen Elektra's aerobic striptease, which is pretty much a joke, but an ok one at that.

So, drumroll please...................... total weight lost: 5 lbs!!
At first I went up a little the first couple of days, probably because my body was in shock from the sudden physical activity, but then it started to drop. I'm hoping to keep up this plan for a while until I hit a plateau, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Altogether I need to lose around another 45 lbs to be at an ideal weight, but I would be happy with any small percentage of that while I'm in lawschool!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Not Me Monday - My first attempt at a blog carnival!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not go to Costco and eat one of every sample offered on Sunday, mostly with the intention of not having to count the samples in my food log. I am committed to losing weight and would never sabotage myself like that.

I did not read blogs when I should have been writing my Ap Ad Brief.

I did not purposely choose to do Carmen Elektra's aerobic striptease workout video instead of a legitimate workout video, so that half-way through I could pretend to be "in the mood" and not have to do an entire video.

I did not cut a homemade pizza in half and eat half in order to stay on my diet by technically only having one "slice" of pizza. I realize that this would still be cheating.

I did not start drinking slimfast in the morning because my daily vitamins are too big for me to swallow without gagging. I am an adult and of course I can swallow a pill.

I definitely am not blogging instead of writing said Ap Ad brief.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

My Valentine

Yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time. Greg really swept me off of my feet. I've been so busy with school lately that all I managed to do was pick up a card for him. I knew he was planning something, but I had no idea how much!

When I woke up, there was candy and a bear and a really sweet card on the table. Then I put on the cute dress I just bought for his birthday party last week. We drove down to New Brunswick, and he took me to this nice hair salon called Indigo. I got the cutest haircut, with little sidebangs and everything. Usually when I get lots of my hair cut off I feel a little sad as I watch it fall on the floor. Not this time! I was so happy just to get rid of it all that I didn't even look.

Next we drove to the park where we got engaged and took a walk around. It really is a beautiful park. We swung on some swings at the playground for a while, then drove around a bit looking at the little neighborhoods nearby, visiting some of the places we lived in college.

Then... drumroll..... we went ice skating! There was a rink not too far away, and I tried ice skating for the first time ever. I only went around the rink holding onto the wall, and I thought I was going to die a few times, but I made it around without falling. I would definitely do it again, but I need a lot of work! When I was done I stood outside the rink and watched Greg skate around. He was amazing, there isn't anything he can't do!

For dinner we went to Old Man Rafferty's, which is where we always went for fancy dinners in college. And finally, a trip to Target and a late movie. We watched "He's Just Not That Into You", which was funnier than I expected. Basically, movies based on books far outmatch those that are not. Even when they are based on a self-help book.

Well, back to writing my Ap Ad brief.... My camera is at my sister's house, but I'll try and take some pictures of my haircut before it grows out too much!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

An Enchanted Evening

Greg got a saucy boardgame that we played last night. It was a lot more funny than saucy, but at least we were hanging out together and having a good time. We drank some sparkling grape juice and laughed all night. Now all I have to do is figure out where to hide it in case someone comes over for a game night...







I also finished the Valentine's we started for the deans at our law school. They'll either get a kick out of them or think we're crazy. We are crazy, so I don't have a problem with that.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Resolved

So my friend from law school who (as far as we've ever discussed) does not have a relationship with God, came to church with us tonight. I don't know exactly how it really went, because she is very reserved about religion or any other topic that people usually get offended over. At least nothing happened at church to make me cringe (I was worried about mildly chauvinistic comments, excessive Christianese, and crazy homeless people talking about vajayjays, all of which I've experienced first hand at church). In fact, it seemed fairly tame compared to some other times when I've attempted to bring friends who are not born again to church services.

That said, I know that no church service will make an impact on anyone's heart unless God first softens it up a bit. I'm not going to even begin to pretend like I have a grasp on the whole Calvinist v. free will debate that Christians like to engage in ad nauseum, but I'm pretty sure that without God's help people don't have a chance of seeing the truth. Everything is so cloudy nowadays, or maybe it just always was, I don't know. There are so many lies out there that everyone is taught to believe. All I know is that there have been people in my life that I've argued with and pleaded with and loved and served and cried over, who have never seen the truth. Then there was one friend who all I did was pray for, every day, earnestly, for over a year. This friend is now a leader in his own church. I didn't have to be smart, or cool, or even good to win this soul for Christ. I just asked God and He changed this young man's heart so drastically that I was totally blown away by His power. To this day, when I face doubts, I remember the work that God did in this guy's life and there is no way I can deny His power.

So...I guess the question is do I have the faith to pray for my friend in law school. It is scary, because I really care about her, and I feel like if I pray for her earnestly, and she still rejects Him, then I will be so devastated. And if it comes down to sharing my faith with her, I'm so afraid that I will screw it up and she will miss out on God's awesome love for her. I guess one of my biggest fears stems from the fact that in a lot of ways, she is smarter and even a better person than I am. I'm kind of afraid that she will see a belief coming from me as invalid because of this. But in the end I can't change who I am, and there is no way my foolishness can separate someone from the love of God.

I can only hope and pray that she will meet Him somehow. When I think about the possibility, I remember the difference in my life in the times when I am obedient and communing with Him, and the times when I am far away, and how wonderful it is to be in His presence. When I think through this logically, it makes me amazed that I haven't already been diligently praying for my firend. When I know first hand about the power of the Holy Spirit to move it people's lives I don't know why I never think to intercede in this way. Also, when I think about my friend on fire for Jesus I get really excited, because I think she is a very gifted person to begin with, and I can't imagine what wonderful things God could do through her life.

I'm going now to lay in bed and PRAY!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

To Do List

Here is what I will be doing in the next two weeks:

1 pre-final draft Note: 25 pages to edit
1 extra journal assignment: 22 footnotes to bluebook
1 Appellate Advocacy Brief to write: 15-20 pages
1 Moot Court Competition to Prepare for (Oral Argument that I will be doing with my husband, single round elimination and if I stink I ruin his chances to get on the team)
1 VITA tax training certification test to study for and pass
1 Persuasion and Advocacy Direct and Cross Examination to Prepare (Questions for Witnesses)
3 other classes to read and prepare for (2 of which are taught by professors who know my name and call on me every day)
OCI resumes to submit, employers to pick for interviews
1 holiday to celebrate (valentines day)

And if I really want to make an impression, I should really research a question that my tax professor asked me about, so I can score some points, since she is basically in charge of who gets tax internships at our school.

Noticeably absent from this list are working out, cooking meals, or showering. See you in March people.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Greg's Birthday Party

On a less ridiculous note, Greg's party was so much fun. All of the people who still like us despite the fact that we have sold our souls to law school came and we had a great time.

Greg wanted to make a video game party, so he could have someone to play Halo with other than me (I hate Halo!), but I thought everyone who didn't like video games would be bored. So I set up a table with some craft stuff that I got from Target (in the dollar section) and we made awesome valentines day cards. I made some for the deans at my law school, because they work really hard and deserve some appreciation.

I gave Greg a set of "Love Comes Softly" dvds that he really did want, but did not expect me to wrap up and give him in front of his friends :) It was priceless.

Of course everyone stayed super late and I'm totally exhausted, but I guess it wasn't too bad considering it was like, my one social event for the semester.

I need a haircut.

Today was Greg's birthday, and yesterday I had a party for him at my sister's apartment in Ocean Grove. The party was kind of a last minute idea, and I was running around Friday and Thursday trying to find food and cake and balloons and stuff. In between doing everything else, I desperately wanted to go get a haircut.

I've been in need of a haircut for at least two months now. I keep on planning to go get it cut, but something always seems to come up and I just never have the time. My hair is usually pretty long anyway, so going for like 8 months without a trim, you can imagine what I look like:



Anyway, I was planning, again, to get a cut in between errands on Saturday before the party, but of course I ran out of time and had to high tail it back home. I was getting out of the car, with about 20 helium balloons and a try of wraps for lunch and a bag of groceries, and the wind just started blowing those balloons all over the place. I didn't worry about it, I had a pretty tight grip on the strings, and I figured I could untangle them when I got inside, so I just struggled down the street and up the outside stairs to my sister's apartment.

The door was locked. I was about to turn around to try the front entrance, when I felt a painful tug on the back of my scalp. Greg came around and opened the door, but I couldn't get inside, because my hair was caught in the strings of the huge bunch of swirling balloons!


Finally, I managed to corral the balloons through the door. It took Greg about 15 minutes of carefully taking out one balloon at a time to free me. Then I had to get the humongous knot out of my long hair.

I probably should have just stopped to get the haircut.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Christian Movie Review - 1

Greg and I don't have cable, we decided it would be better to do Blockbuster online (we save 30 bucks a month), since TV would be too addictive and we would fail out of lawschool. This means we see a lot of movies, so I thought I would try and post some reviews so you can avoid some of the stinkers and maybe take a chance on some longshots. Occasionally I see a movie that is totally inappropriate for children (sometimes for anyone) or for people who are sensitive to violent images or language, etc, but I really like the film. In this case I'll try and be very clear that even if I like the movie, you probably shouldn't watch it. (caution: all spelling is improvised)

Here's what we've been watching...

Bolt. Totally cute and made me cry and laugh. 4, but only would watch again if with someone who hadn't seen it.

Tyler Perry's The Family that Preys. Typical awkwardly good Tyler Perry drama with brief hilarious comedic relief moments. Not at all what I expected from the cover. Love how he always shows the unromanticized truth about adultery. 3.

Fireproof. Must be one of the last Christians to watch this film. Did not disappoint, but I was not expecting much. Fire scenes very suspenseful considering budget. KC did a pretty good job for most of the movie, even if short. Greg of course cried during all of the sentimental marriage parts. I only got misty-eyed when he accepted the Lord. It made me really want to pray for my unsaved friends and family. 4.

Igor. Sooooooo bad. Jokes that kids probably wouldn't get and adults wouldn't find funny. Terrible animation. And I was excited about the story too. 1.

Wanted. Angelina Jolie and some guy who reminds you of Shia Labeef, except with no talent whatsoever. So profane and stupid that I went to bed after a few scenes. Greg finished watching it while I was at class and confirmed that the rest of the movie wasn't worth my time. 1.

Love Comes Softly. I read these books as a kid so I was so excited to see the Hallmark made for TV version. Male lead was ok, but Katherine Hegle was typically terrible. Everything she said made the movie that much more laughable. Still, you gotta love that story, and the little girl who played Missy was adorable. Way more talent than Hegle. Why is she famous again? 3.

On a scale of 1-5, with 5 being one of my top favorites of all time, 4 being I would possibly buy the movie/ watch it again some time, 3 being I would not watch the movie again, but enjoyed the ride, 2 being I did not enjoy the movie, and 1 being I turned it off before the end.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

I made it through! (barely)

So I haven't posted since the summer. This is because this semester was the hardest I've ever had. Classes weren't that bad, but I was on a law journal, which basically means that at any point during the semester I would get an obnoxious email saying I had to do an assignment for the journal, with strict deadlines. Also there were "reading days", meaning Saturdays where we redid all of the assignments as a group and ate stale turkey wraps. Worst. Semester. Ever.

But all this is behind me. I did not accomplish anything besides surviving law school. I did not finish any fun craft projects or develop any much needed good habits, so this year is all about personal improvement. I made a beautiful list of New Year's resolutions. I figured that it was way too overwhelming to conquer at once so I'm trying to use the flylady method (sort of) to handle one new habit at a time.

On the menu for Jan. has been to adjust to not taking birth control pills (successful) work on getting 8 hours of sleep (unsuccessful), take a multi-vitamin every day (successful), go to all of my classes (mostly successful), drink more water (working on it), and go to church regularly. The church step is more complicated than I thought. We found a great thriving church near where I worked this summer, but we found it sort of difficult to break in socially. Everyone was extremely friendly, but it is just hard when everyone else has known each other so long and you're just coming in. They stopped having a mid-week bible study for our age group, and after that we gave up. In 2009 we started going to the Wed. night service at the church that we went to in college. It is nice to see familiar faces, to hold the babies and kids that we know so well. The problems are that it takes almost an hour and a half to get there, and I'm not getting a whole lot from the teaching. While debating about these issues and sort of feeling guilty about my lack of spiritual committment, the pastor from the church we found this summer asked to take us to lunch. He proceeded to gently hint that we needed to not be so lame and go to church even when we are so busy. I totally agree.

I have, for about the first 22 years of my life, been the kind of person who goes to church 3 times a week. In college I actually looked forward to going to church so much that I would plan everything around it, classes, jobs, etc. I especially loved living on the same street as my church in my junior year. I would be taking a nap and just roll out of bed and go to church, sometimes in my pjs (on Wed. nights only :). No one judged me for this (out loud). I knew everyone and everyone knew me. I was closer to my church family than anyone else other than my actual family. When I had tough times, they were there for me, supporting to me, listening to me, and I loved encouraging them too. I taught Sunday School and grew to love the little kids. I held the babies every week and loved them too. I felt like I didn't need to be fake with them at all. When someone asked "how are you?", I gave an honest answer and expected the same in return. We didn't feel weird asking personal questions, like "Are you going to have children?"

Now I'm just not sure what happened. Somewhere along with all of the changes that have occurred in the past two years I lost that family. Moving, marriage, graduation, going to law school. Everything hit me at once and now I don't even recognize myself. I'm 50 lbs heavier, I own a kitchenaid, and I haven't heard the Lord's calling in almost 2 years. I know I need to get out of this rut, but I'm not sure how. All I can do is take one little step at a time. Taking a vitamin might not seem very important to someone looking in, but from here it seems like one of the few steps I can manage right now. Anything more and I would probably just give up altogether.

I realize now more than ever the importance of having routines. Routines are what allow us to accomplish important things without having to worry and obsess over the little things. Things like cleaning, making dinner, even getting dressed in a routine, forms a habit so you can do them all without having to devote precious mental energy to the mundane. For instance, when you gain weight and change sizes, every morning becomes a battle to find something to wear. It is not as simple as just buying clothes like the ones you had in a size up. Clothes that looked fine in a 12 might look terrible in a 14. The weight gain also means that my closet is packed with two sets of clothes, some that fit, and some that don't. This creates the stress of feeling disorganized, the stress and guilt of spending money on clothes that I shouldn't need. This in turn brings me to stressing about money, something over which at this point in my life I have almost no control over. The Devil uses this chain of stressful thoughts to completely ruin any chance I had of having a good day. Instead of focusing on the difficult mental tasks of the day, I'm stuck struggling with issues that I have no immediate control over. Of course when I try to take small steps in the right direction, like exercising that day, another voice says "you don't have time to waste exercising, you need to be studying!". So I study, and worry about my weight, and about money.

So enough complaining. I will focus on my goals one at a time. My goals will be small and manageable, and I will not worry about the larger problem when I am doing my best to chip away at it with smaller steps. That is all I can do. This week I will go to church. I don't have to find a best friend, or be invited to everyone's house for lunch, or asked to teach Sunday school. I will just show up, and leave when the service is over. That is all that I can handle this week, so that's what I'll do.