I guess if my family is happier losing the money and not having to deal with these trashy people any longer, it's their call. I think I have to stop worrying about these kinds of problems that are outside of my control. Last night I was so angry about this, until I realized that me fuming all night would do absolutely nothing. All it got me was a lousy evening not enjoying being home with my husband. At that point, I really wanted to let it go.
Here is an interesting story from a Christian doctor I know, he is advising someone who lent a relative some money and the relative wouldn't pay it back:
Here are some of my thoughts on the $15K matter:
Although this is water under the bridge, refuse to lend to family and friends because a loan can easily end a friendship, because the moment you accept a loan from me you become, in a sense, my servant. Proverbs 22:7 : "The rich rule over the poor and the borrower is servant to the lender." This can quickly become an uncomfortable situation for both parties as you're experiencing. If we do feel led to financially help someone, it's best to give loans expecting nothing in return. Luke 6:30 : Give [not loan] to everyone that asks of you and if anyone does take what belongs to you, do not demand it back.
Perhaps you should acknowledge to this relative that you may have been in error in allowing him to become indebted to you. I think God's ideal is to keep out of debt altogether. Romans 13:8 : "Owe no man anything, but to love one another: for he that loves another has fulfilled the law." Maybe even ask him to forgive you for compromising God's ideal and explain you want to be a true brother/brother-in-law/cousin/uncle/friend, etc. by helping him to be financially free. As you know, often debt is simply the tip of the iceberg and is a result of various hidden motives to borrow money. Maybe you know your relative's situation well enough or could gather facts from him to determine what his real financial needs are and what spiritual problem(s) may have caused them (ie, greed, slothfulness, impatience, pride, presumption, unbelief.)
If you are still maintaining a good relationship with your relative, and he genuinely is serious about repaying you but simply cannot afford to do so now, perhaps you could sit down with him, assist and patiently help him work out a plan to gradually reimburse you (maybe only in part) as he is able, (Luke 16:1-12) expecting that the financial bondage that your relative is in may take a long time to remove and that you will have to share the burden with him until he is financially stable.
If it's a matter that your relative has chosen to refuse to pay you and relationships have become strained or unpleasant, there are a number of verses which relate to the matter (and which, I grant, are easier for me to quote since it's not my $15,000.) It's likely that your relative will not initiate reconciliation with you (people in this situation are often prisoners of guilt, self-justification, denial, insensitivity or bitterness). God teaches that the offended one must initiate reconciliation. We are to have a forgiving spirit whether or not our offender asks forgiveness. We're to pray for those who offend us (and I don't think it means pray for condemnation on them.) By refusing to forgive an offender, the offended one is in bondage to his own resentment. Forgiveness, complete unconditional forgiveness, is clearing the record with those who have wronged me and then allowing God to love them through me. God was offended by us but he initiated forgiveness and reconciliation. I realize to forgive an offender in this case, is to accept the reality of personal loss, but God always writes the last chapter and His blessing is our greatest asset. When we release a debtor God releases unexpected blessing in our lives. I Peter 3:9: "Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise, blessing; knowing that you are thereunto called that you should inherit a blessing." I think Matthew 18:21-35 stresses the importance of forgiving your brother's sin against you and seems to make it clear that we should forgive financial debts that people refuse to pay us. A person who has a forgiving spirit is conscious of the great debt he owes to God and is willing to release others from the debt which they owe him. Another verse which came to mind relating to debt was Matthew 6:12 : "...forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." Furthermore, if you relative is a Christian, I Corinthians 6:1-10 advises that the Christian should not go to law with a brother in civil courts -- that it's better to suffer being taken advantage of. People who do not initiate forgiveness toward an offender, miss out on the benefits which could come from reconciliation including elimination of bitterness and an unforgiving spirit, the consequence of which could be a breaking of fellowship with God. The temporal debts others may owe us are infinitesimal in comparison with the eternal debts we owe to God. Thus, to forgive our debtor is the bargain of a lifetime.
Over the years, I have had many dental debtors which I have dealt with in a wide variety of ways depending on a number of factors. I can say that I have never regretted forgiving them when I have felt led or convicted to do so. Here's an example. Back in March, 2006 a couple from St. Paul 's amassed a significant dental bill, and then moved out of town, even out of state, without paying. After some repeated months of billing them and hearing nothing, I sent the following letter:
"It seems apparent to me that this debt is causing you hardship and that your needs at this time are greater than mine. Further, the best I can understand the teachings of Jesus Christ, we are to "share one another's burdens," and should forgive others to the extent that He has forgiven us.
I am therefore forgiving you this debt, and canceling your account balance with this office in the amount of $____. I am prayerful that this is done to the glory of God and the furtherance of His Kingdom. Hope you folks are doing well in_____."
I heard nothing. Then in December of that year, I received the following letter:
"Dear Doc,
Greetings in our Lord Jesus Christ. Your letter to us a few months ago took both of us aback. Your faith and your forgiveness of our debt was a real blessing to us. Please bear with me for a moment while I tell you something. Back in 2002, right before we moved there to Ocean Grove, on one of our many visits there, we attended one of the services at St. Paul 's church. I believe it was one of the first in the church. Before that we attended many on the beach pavilion. Anyway, for some reason, I never liked it much when missionaries spoke at churches in the past. ??? I don't know why. But on this particular day you were there speaking about your missionary journeys. Dale you are one of the few missionaries who touched and blessed my heart. I know it wasn't you talking about pulling teeth and such, but your faith and the Spirit speaking through you. You really blessed me then and in the future when we moved there. That has stuck with me now and you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Anyway, when we got your letter we decided that one day we would like to be a blessing to you and your mission. As God has blessed us, please use this for your missionary work, or any way God moves you to use it. Thank you again for the many ways that you have been a blessing to us and know that you are in our thoughts and prayers."
Enclosed was a check for an amount about 30% greater than what I had originally forgiven. This is just one of a number of examples of these situations that I could relate to you.
Seems to me in a situation like this, some questions you need to ask yourself are:
Who does my money really belong to?
Am I willing to compromise convictions or relationships for money?
...and then determine what amount God would have you give to your relative as well as what other counsel and direction you can give to him.
There's my input for what it's worth. I'm not going to ask you anything about what you decide to do and will continue to pray for you to have wisdom in dealing with this matter.
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